huhnawhata!?!

So I just got back from the midwife and she actually uttered these words...

"I am moderately suspicious that you might be carrying twins."

When I started to freak she said the following...

"At least I'm not saying triplets."

Very funny lady.

I am apparently measuring at 17 weeks (when I should be closer to 13) but there is really no way that I would be that far along. I am about 98% sure of the exact night that I conceived, because well with three little boys, lets just say things are not so spontaneous...or regular...anymore. Plus we were trying for a girl, so we were trying in a certain time period. I got a regular period in December and on top of that I can feel when I am ovulating, and I most defiantly ovulated in January. Probably more information then you needed, ah well. It's just that I was so sure of myself before, and now, well now I am so confused. On a nicer note I've only gained two pounds since the last visit and I was sure it was more like ten. ;)

I am waiting now until my next appointment, and if I am still way ahead of schedule, then the midwife said that would be a good clue that it's twins. I declined an extra ultrasound, I can wait until my five month visit. If it is twins, the longer I am oblivious, the better.

ducked out...

Thanks to all of you who left me comfort and advice on traveling alone to the grocery store when you are out numbered by children. I wish I could say I armed myself with that advice and bravely met my doom, but alas I chickened out. My mom ended up coming over for an overnight visit and being the gracious daughter I am I figured she was craving some quality alone time with her grand kids so I ducked out to the grocery store, ha, ha. I had already taken them with me earlier to go shopping for a birthday present, before then attending a birthday party with them at a children's museum (So fun... large group of people, lots of distracting things, three excited boys, all alone). Plus while we were out shopping, I got the crazy idea that I should take the boys out to lunch (which we never do) and we went to a fast food place (which we never do) because I was craving a chicken taco salad. I decided to take them inside instead of going through the drive through. One because I needed to study the menu and figure out what I could get Atty that was wheat free, and two because I thought it would be nice to sit down and eat out with the boys, a treat of sorts. Now I remember the main reason why that was crossed of the list. It's not fun, and they didn't eat barely a thing. The babies wanted to jump on the benches and Ira started squawking because I wouldn't let him run around and well let's just say I didn't enjoy my taco salad as much as I wanted to and that made me grumpy. So by the end of the day I was super burnt out and thankful that I could sneak out the door alone. I did check out all the car carts at the store though, and they don't have the cool one that Kat mentioned, so irritating. A friend of mine remind me that they have one of those childcare rooms that you can leave your kids in for a short amount of time. I've never used the service, I'm a little freaked out about my kids being exposed to some nasty germs or something. I might try it out for Bubu, although knowing myself so well, probably not. I would be too stressed out about how he was doing and whether or not he was safe, that I just don't think it would be worth it. The helper idea is a great one, Bubu loves being a helper, I'll just have to add another hour on for all that extra "helping". The hands on the cart idea is another good one, that I know at least Bubu will understand. So again thanks to everyone and maybe next time I will put your ideas to good use.

Breath. breath. breath.

I am really upset, lots of crazy stuff going on around here.



Can't really talk about it right now.



Looks like J might be living with us again.



I am eating a turkey burger and chip at 10:30 in the morning.



Yeah, I'm freaking over here.



Drinking tension tamer tea, and trying to calm down, because I am getting cramps and it's scary.



Randomly cleaning various odds and ends, wandering aimlessly.



I should say I made a turkey burger and chip that I am apparently too upset to eat.



I do that a lot, I always think the butterflies in my stomach are hunger pains, until I go to put the food in my mouth and can't chew.

Kids wandering a store = trouble.

I have a problem, and I don't know what to do about it.

I've never had to do it before.

So here it is.

My husband is working 13 days straight right now, with the 14th day off. 10-12 hour days.

My sister was staying with us for a couple months, but has now moved out.

So my problem is, how am I going to go grocery shopping ALONE with three children, three and under. They can't exactly walk. I mean of course they all can walk, but Bubu is the only one that would listen for the most part. He is so slow though that I would be in the store for a couple hours instead of the hour it already takes me, and talk about stressful! They have the carts that fit two children, but not three. If I put Bubu in the basket of the two kid cart, by the time I start throwing groceries in, there won't be any room for him. I have to go shopping every weekend, and it's the kind of shopping where the cart if full to overflowing. I already make it as simple as possible. I always go to the same grocery store so I know were everything is, I make detailed and categorized lists that for the most part follow the lay out of the store so that I minimize backtracking. But it's still a procedure. Normally I either leave the boys at home with the hubby or we go to the store together and use two carts. While hubby's been working so much my sister has been helping so I hadn't been faced with this problem yet. I'm not really worried about the kids freaking out, they usually do really well when they go with, except for the occasional fit from Atty. But he's a redhead so go figure. It's just containing them that is the problem, because anyone with kids knows that kids wandering a store = trouble. I use to put one in the backpack and the other two in the cart, but they are all so heavy now. I seriously don't know what to do. It seems like a little problem, but I can't get around the weekly grocery shopping, or make it go any quicker, so I am going to have to face this next weekend. The only other thing I can think of is to wait until my hubby gets home, late at night and leave him with the kids and go then. That might be the only solution, but my hubby is so burnt out by then that I hate to do that to him. Plus quite honestly I am pretty burnt out by then too and the last thing I want to do is go grocery shopping late at night, uggg....

Does anyone else have any solutions? What do you do? What do you think would work best for me? What am I going to do when I have four kids, four and under! Good Grief.

I'm going to be hurting tomorrow...

Phew...busy day.

It ended up being a gorgeous day here in the soggy NW. Spring cleaning! I started out by attacking the laundry room with a vengeance. I could no longer handle the stench. Seriously. It was the combination of my husbands boots drying on the boot dryer every night, the mountain of laundry, the cat box that I can't empty right now and my husband conveniently forgets to do All The Time, along with the stinky nasty carpet (who puts carpet in a laundry/mud room?). So I hauled most everything out, vacuumed, and sprinkled baking powder on the carpets. While I was cleaning I stumbled upon some bulbs I recently bought that desperately needed to be planted, so I decided to take a little break before getting out the carpet cleaner. Out into the sun I went, the boys and I got our gear and headed up front to the flowerbeds. I then got lost out there for hours. Planting, weeding and pruning. When I was done the boys helped me pick up all the weeds and put them in the wagon. I love gardening and it was so nice to get out there and fix it all up, it really looks great now. I can't wait until every thing starts blooming. Any ways we headed back in, and that's when it hit me. My whole body started aching. It's been awhile since I have done that much yard work. Yikes! I wanted to stop and curl up on the couch, but I resisted and instead put on a movie for the boys and got busy cleaning the carpet in the laundry room and putting every thing back. Except the cat box, which I moved out to the hubby's shop, think he will empty it now? I know I'm evil. Then I moved on to the playroom and got the boys to help me clean up their mess (which by the way is already a mess again as I type, ugggg!) then vacuumed the house. I have to clean the carpets in the playroom tomorrow, and bleach toys, oh the joy. Now I need to finish dinner, hubby's coming home late from work tonight, and I really need to clean the kitchen because I haven't washed a dish all day. I am going to be hurting tomorrow. I can feel the ache in my legs and back and arms, gardening really can be such a work out and I always have a tendency to over do it. Oh well, it was a beautiful, warm day once I started on the garden, I just couldn't stop until it was complete. It was so warm that I got to air the house out which was nice. Nothing better then fresh spring air. We also had a picnic outside for lunch and the boys really liked that. I think I might have even got a bit of a sunburn on my face, that's not hard for me to do though, getting sun burnt is what I do best, being fair skinned and all.

Oh and I still have a mountain of laundry to deal with but now it's a clean mountain on the couch, so we're making progress.

Prayers

Ryder's mom is sick. Apparently very, very sick. She went to the ER last Sunday, and is still at the hospital doing test. Today they are checking for cancer. They did a cat scan yesterday and saw a lot of lumps or cyst and so they are now checking to see if those are cancerous. She has been sick for a while, it's a long story, but we didn't expect it to take this turn for the worse.

It's no secret that her and I don't get along. That being said I have still been in near tears all day long, for my husband, for J, for their sister, because three siblings could be left with out the only parent they have. My husband is falling apart. It kills me to hear his sad broken voice. I could tell he was falling apart this morning when I was trying to ask him if he had any new information and he was getting really agitated trying to talk about it. I hugged him and let it go. He then called me a few hours later, broken and in tears, choking on his words. It is so hard for all of them because their mom has done the most horrible things to them, she is selfish, rude, and at times flat out mean. It's always been about her their whole lives. And part of them resents that. But she is their mom, the only parent any of them have, and they love her regardless. Regardless of everything.

There is a lot more to this story that I don't feel like going into right now in light of us not know at this point how truly ill she is. It has to do with J though and some information I got from his sister about what has been going on since he started living with his mom again. I've been lied to. I am angry. Angry and sad, a bit of a mess. And feeling guilty for being angry at someone so sick. Frustrating.

Prayers for her and her children who are having a hard time right now (and maybe even some prayers for me that I will not feel so angry at a time like this).

ET phone home...

"Mom, Riah, mommy, MoM, Mommmmmieeeeeeee!"

"What Bubu?"

"Muffmaruffnumafnubrunafu...farunnnaba...nalanbuna."

"What?"

"Lunamonadumadala...nadalala."

"Bubu please don't say my name over and over again if you don't have anything to say to me."

"okaaayy..."

"Mom."

"Yes Bubu."

"Runnanulanda."

"Bubu!"

The kid is driving me crazy. He actually sounds like he is mumbling something, but when you try to decipher it, there is nothing there. He has either lost his marbles, or has remembered his home planets language. A planet in a galaxy far, far away. His brothers watch in fascination, I am afraid they are all going to pick up on this fun way of antagonizing mommy. If they all start talking to each other this way, and seemingly understanding each other, I will then be afraid, very, very afraid.

Pinch Patrol, no green, no mercy...

HAPPY PATTY'S DAY! The tricky little Leprechaun's left us gold coins, so exciting. We left them "rainbow candies" being as it is there favorite. We usually make a Leprechaun welcoming box and deck it all out really nice and then rig it to try and trap a Leprechaun, but some how St. Patrick's Day snuck up on me and we didn't have enough time. All the kids are little enough that they didn't call me on it, but if this had still been at the old daycare, I would have been in real trouble!

Then we made a lucky shamrock cookie and of course decorated it with "rainbow candies" in honor of the Leprechauns.

The kids were very excited for the Patty's day party. They did a great job helping to decorate the cookie, and of course lick off their utensils when done (or at least almost done).

Then it was time to enjoy, green milk and all. Those are plastic fancy glasses, just so you know. The kids just love getting to drink out of fancy glasses.

Then in a desperate attempt to balance out all the sugar and green food coloring I made cheesy biscuits and stew. I tried to go a bit Irish on the stew and used cabbage and potatoes. except I didn't have regular green cabbage, oh well.

I acknowledge that it doesn't look very tasty, but it was delicious. I wasn't very prepared this year, because my pregnancy hormones took over this last weekend and I was a sick sad little mess. Had to send hubby to the store for groceries on his only day off in the last 10 days. I would have started puking at some point for sure, probably while waiting in the check out line, into someone else's grocery cart. Things always get a little lost in translation when I send him grocery shopping, even though I send him with a DETAILED organized by food groups list. Oh well. He was a dear for going.

We also made a cute little art project, Leprechaun hats.

~*~

So all in all we've had an awesome day, even if I was flying by the seat of my pants. I can't preplan anything to save my life right now, it's really irritating. Brain is mush. What day is it? Where do I live? Who are you? How old am I? That one works out as long as I remember to guess about 5 years younger. ;) Yeah...it's getting pretty bad, pregnesia is what I call it and it's a sad, sad thing.

Getting to know the husband.

I was tagged by Mama to do this little number.

How well do you know your husband?

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? We don't have cable or anything right now, haven't for a while, but if we did he would be watching some sort of funny sitcom. Right now we have been watching The Office and 30 Rock on the computer.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Usually the same as me, so he doesn't have to think about it.

3. What's one food he doesn't like? Baby corn.

4. You go out to eat. What drink does he order? Usually cola or root beer.

5. Where did he go to high school? Everywhere, his mom moved A LOT!

6. What size shoe does he wear? 11

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Music CDs. He has a serious music obsession.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Well when we go to Subway he usually gets a sandwich on whole wheat bread with lots of different types of meat, all the toppings, mayo, mustard, salt and pepper. The works.

9. What would he eat every day if he could? I have no idea, he likes lots of different things, and he changes his mind often. He goes through binges were he likes one specific thing and then he goes and changes it to something else.

10. What is his favorite cereal? Raisin bran at least that's what he eats the most of. Life was his favorite cereal when he was a kid.

11. What would he never wear? A speedo? I don't really know. I don't think there is much my man wouldn't wear. It's frightening really.

12. What is his favorite sports team? I don't think he cares, but he sometimes watches Seahawks games.

13. Who did he vote for? That's for me to know and you to find out, from him... ;)

14. Who is his best friend? Ummm, me of course! At least I've been around the longest, so best friend by default I guess.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Stress out, a lot. He also hates it when I get loud when I am emotional about something. He always thinks I am yelling at him, when I'm not, most of the time. A lot of the time it doesn't really have anything to do with him, I'm just upset and trying to express myself...loudly.

16. What is his heritage? Mostly German and Irish.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Changes all the time. He does really like German chocolate.

18. Did he play sports in high school? No, they moved around too much.

19. What could he spend hours doing? Building stuff out of wood out in his shop. Hours and hours and hours........He's been known to go out in his shop and disappear until the wee hours of the morning!

20. What is one unique talent he has? Building beautiful things out of wood.

My husband is a pretty easy going guy, so it was actually hard to answer the questions specifically. He also changes his obsessions on a regular basis. It's turned into a joke around here really. I'm not tagging anyone, but if you feel like giving it a try, go for it.

lost in translation.

"I want the bugs in pants movie mom."

"What Bubu?"

"I want the bugs in pants movie."

"Bugs in Pants?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know what you are talking about Bubu."

"The new movie." Insert exasperated sigh here, and possibly an eye roll.

"Are you talking about the Antz movie?"

"No! The bugs in pants."

"This one." Hold up the Antz movie for his viewing pleasure.

"Yeah, the bugs in pants movie!"

"This is Antz Bubu."

"No, bugs in pants." followed by defiant three year old stare.

"Alrighty then, bugs in pants it is." You win some, you lose some.

BTW, I don't suggest this movie. Didn't like some of the language in it, and it seemed a bit too violent. After the second viewing, the "bugs in pants" movie was on it's way back to Netflixs, hopefully never to be seen again.

Crazy Hormone Driven Dreams

I am being plagued by crazy vivid dreams. Some scary, some just flat out strange. Some that stick with me the whole next day. Like today. With every pregnancy I have had it's been the same way. Last night I had a really harsh dream.

I dreamt that the boys and I were on a hike and there were these really high stairs we had to climb to get to a bridge that would take us over a river. I was scared to bring the boys up the stairs but for some reason we had to. They were old wooden stairs, the kind that aren't filled in, there are gaps between the steps. So as we climbed I was getting more and more nervous and trying to keep a hand near all the boys at the same time so I could catch them if they stumbled or something. Then I notice that near the top the guard rail on the side was broken and Atty was headed straight for it so I lunged to grab a hold of him before he got there. Then I looked behind me and Spike was slipping through the cracks in the stairs! He was staring at me, scared and trying to hold on and I reached for him too, but couldn't grab hold. He fell all the way down to the ground below and it was super high up, I looked down at him and started screaming. Then I ran all the way down and he was laying on his back with his eyes open, he was breathing but not making a sound, and I started hyperventilating and screaming and crying and praying to God that he would be okay and that his back wasn't broken. I looked up to the sky as I was praying and then realized that I had left his brothers at the top of the stairs alone. I woke up sweating and with my heart pounding in my chest at 3 am and I couldn't fall all the way back to sleep again because every time I tried I would see Spike staring at me with that blank look on his face, and my heart would start racing again! It was such a vivid and terrifying dream.

I snuggled Spike really close this morning and felt thankful that it was only a dream. I think I had that anxious dream involving the boys because I am worried about how I am going to handle adding one more child and going anywhere. Three boys is hard enough. Atty alone is like ten kids in one, we joke but it's true. Any person who has been around him for any amount of time flat out agrees. I was thinking the other day, oh it shouldn't be too hard being out and about, two kids to a parent. Who am I kidding, it will be one kid (Atty) to one parent, three to the other. When hubby is not there, which happens a lot when he is hard at work, it will make it four for me (make that fourteen when you do the math for Atty), which flat out scares me. I will need to take them with me when going anywhere, I certainly can't afford a babysitter for four kids on a regular basis. There are going to be times when we need to get out of the house just for a change of pace. I already do all this now alone with the boys, but for some reason the idea of adding one more kid to this is flat out frightening me. At first I thought it was weird that in my dream Spike was the one that fell, because Atty is the one I am usually worrying about, he is so impulsive. I think it was that way in my dream though because I am worried in real life that while I am distracted by Atty, one of the other children will get hurt. Thankfully Bubu and Spike are fairly cautious children (although Spike does try to copy Atty at times), I can only hope that the new one will have that same cautious personality, because two impulsive children might drive me to the brink of insanity. Anyways I shouldn't read so much into the crazy hormone driven dreams of my pregnant self. So far nothing so horrendous has happened to my child, and I pray to God nothing like that ever will. Dream lesson learned, do not ever go up scary steps alone with the boys.

Heart beat!

I had my first midwife appointment last night. Exciting. Even though it's not my first time being pregnant, it always seems just as exciting. Bubu wanted to go with me to the "baby doctor" so I took him along. It was nice to listen to his chatter all the way there (and back). That boy can talk, and talk, and talk! He kept listing two random things that he would then want me to sing about, it was sort of funny. "Sing the car and sun song." I didn't have the best lyrics, but he didn't seem to care. I couldn't help but think that in a few years the way I was acting, singing all loud and silly, would embarrass him instead of bringing a smile to his face. Must treasure.

Bubu was my brave super hero at the appointment. I had to get my blood drawn and I am a huge needle wimp. He held my hand and helped mommy feel brave, and watched the whole thing. Didn't even faze him. He was so proud to be my hero. The midwife I met last night was a new one, and she wasn't going to listen for the heart beat this time around, cause it's still early, but I asked her if she would anyways. I was able to hear it early with both of my other boys. So she humored me and got out the equipment and put the cold sticky gel on my stomach and sure enough right when she put the thing on my tummy, HEARTBEAT! She was surprised. The baby moved right away and she had to locate the sound again, then we called Bubu over and he was super excited too, he seemed to really understand what was going on. I was so glad I got to hear the heart beat because it always makes it seem so real to me. I will never cease to be amazed when I hear a heart beat that is not my own, beating away inside my body. Wow. The first appointment is always the longest and it took about an hour and a half, and Bubu did so well, I was really proud of him. Looking at his standing in the same room I laid in the first time I heard his heartbeat brought tears to my eyes. He is so big now, so self assured. The big brother, my first born son. How does it all fly by so fast?

Just answer the questions...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No, I was named after the wind. "They call the wind Miriah".

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I am pregnant, don't ask.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes, but it has a tendency to be really sloppy, I am a lefty after all.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Yuck.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes, 3 beautiful boys, and one on the way!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? No, I pity the fool.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Sarcasm is my middle name. I can't even help myself.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes...weird question.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Heck No!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Bunches of Oats.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I don't really like ice cream unless it's really hot out, then I can go for any thing mocha flavored.

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their eyes, tells a lot about a person.

14. RED OR PINK? Neither, I like earthy colors, browns, greens.

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR SELF? My temper.

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I don't know. The only person I can think of is my sister that passed away. Clara Mae. But I never even really knew her, I was little only about two years old and she only lived for less then two weeks. I always just wished that I did know her, and that we could have grown up together. Still gets me teary when I think about it, I will see her again some day I know. For now I stop often and look at her baby picture on my wall, she was beautiful.

17. DO YOU WANT EVERY ONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? Yes, every one in the whole wide word. Silly question.

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Brown sweat pants, no shoes in the house.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My husband reading to my boys, so cute!

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Fern green.

21. FAVORITE SMELLS? When it rains, fresh cut grass, the beach, evergreen trees, new born babies, cucumbers, lavender.

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My hubby.

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole the idea from Mama, but yeah I like her just fine.

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? None. I rarely watch TV. Only sport I ever liked to watch was when J played Basketball, that was fun! When to every game.

25. HAIR COLOR? Natural? I guess you would call it Auburn. The older I get the darker it gets though. I put Henna in it, to bring out the red, and it gets really light in the summer time.

26. EYE COLOR? Hazel.

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, I wish though. I am blind as a bat, and the kids always try to grab my glasses off my face, so I rarely wear them.

28. FAVORITE FOOD? I love most anything, except red meat and pork (is that considered red meat too?). When we go out to eat, which is rare, it is usually Oriental or Mexican.

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, I never ever watch a scary movie on purpose. I can scare myself just fine thank you!

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? A kids movie I am sure, just don't remember which one. Lion King was on last, but I wasn't really watching it.

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Green.

32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer for sure!

33. HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who's giving them out! In general hugs, from my hubby or adorable little boys, I'd have to say both.

34. FAVORITE DESSERT? Not a big dessert person, but just about anything with fruit in it.

35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Huh?

36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Dumb question, don't waste my time...I've got kids.

37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? Wish I was.

38. WHAT IS ON YOU MOUSE PAD? Is there suppose to be something on my mouse pad? If so then I must be really boring, because I just have a plain blue mouse pad, guess I am not cool enough for pictures.

39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Don't have cable, only movies here, and we weren't watching any last night.

40. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Laughter, sounds of nature, running river water, the ocean, my children's voices (when they are not whining or crying), my husbands voice, wind, and even rain...at first. I do live in Washington, so eventually the sound of rain just gets annoying.

41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Florida when I was 12. Where I devoured grapefruit morning, noon, and night. So sweet and delicious!

43. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? I am the queen of multi-tasking, does that count as a talent?

44. WHO'S ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Is this a filler question, like they ran out of ideas or something?

45. HOW DID YOU MET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I was 15, visiting friends and they told me a boy named Ryder was coming over and I knew right then that I just had to met him, and it was love at first sight, on my end. He was interested in me too, and turned on the charm, he got me with those eyes. Those big blue sunburst eyes.

the voice

Hubby's back to work! Yeah!!

He just started today, got the call yesterday, gone today. We will see how it goes. The only thing is it's at an Shell oil refinery, and it's really a pretty scary job, so I'm a little freaked out. Trying not to think about it to much. They are also working up to 7 days a week, 12 hour days right now, and there is a good possibility that he will be put on night shift. Ugggg! I mean the pay check is much needed, but I worry about his health and my sanity.

I was admittedly really liking the extra help. Need it. At least for another month or so. It is going to take a lot of energy I don't have right now to go back to the whole "single" parent thing. Being responsible for everything and not getting any breaks at all. Keeping the daycare running right now is hard enough. He won't be able to and I won't want him to be doing extra when he gets home if he is working those long hours. If he works nights, I will never sleep. I am a serious wimp about him not being here at night. There was only one other time when he worked a swing shift, and I hated it. Plus how will he ever get any good sleep, childcare is not a quiet business!

So a huge part of me is relieved that he has been called in to work, but there is this pesky little voice in me that is squeaking "what about me, don't leave me all alone with these little boys, I don't feel good, take care of me, help!" I am trying desperately to tune it out, because it is selfish, but it has a pretty high pitch to it.

I think I'll keep him

I'm going to take a moment to say, all complaining aside, I have a super awesome husband. He cooks, he cleans, vacuums, does laundry (some times), takes care of the kids, and does the dishes (a lot, I hate doing dishes and I do a ton too, so there are just a lot of freaking dishes to do constantly!). He builds things, fixes things, does just about any chore I ask him to and is still working on my never ending "to do" list. He is absolutely awesome. I have been so super sick and tired with this pregnancy and I seriously don't know what I would do with out him right now. I don't have the option of just leaving my house a wreck when I am too sick to operate, because I run a daycare in my home. So he has been picking up my slack big time. He is still not working right now, which gives him more time to help out then he would normally be able to do, but even when he is working he will come home from a crazy long day, and pitch in, do what needs to be done. He is an amazing husband and amazing father and I just don't ever tell him this enough. It's been over 15 years since I first gazed into his beautiful blue eyes and it just keeps getting better and better. It has been a long hard road, but worth it, truly worth it.

...and no I didn't train him (and wouldn't admit it even if I did). People say that right to his face, and he takes it in stride, doesn't let it get to him. Cause it's not that he's "trained", it's because we are a team, 50/50 is the deal. There is just a lot of stuff that needs to be done all the time. He doesn't have any hang ups about what he can and can not do, except dirty diapers. Doesn't care for those. ;)