Monday, July 19, 2010

What's been going on around here...

So we have been preparing for something very exciting. Atty biological brother who lives in another state is coming to visit with his adoptive parents at the end of this month! My stomach turns and my heart speeds up just thinking about it. I can't wait to meet him and see Atty and his brother together. They will be spending a day at our house and then we will be spending a day at the zoo. Two days together. I can tell already that it will be hard to say goodbye not knowing the next time we will see them, but it will be so very good to finally see his little face in person. He's already two and a half years old! I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing that I can't even begin to describe but I am over all so very thankful that his brother ended up in what really seems to be such a caring family. A family that like me thinks that the boys should grow up knowing each other and keeping in contact. I was so worried right after he was born, him being so far away and our not being able to take him into our home. I felt guilty about if for the longest time. His case worker from that state called me (before his placement with his adoptive family) and asked me if it was possible for use to take him and after talking to my husband about it and praying on it we knew it just wasn't but I cried about it for a really long time. I still get emotional just thinking about it. I was so worried that he would end up bouncing from one foster home to the next. The caseworker had told me that there was a possible placement and I did tell her that if the placement didn't work out to call me back and we would reopen the discussion about taking him in. But he ended up in a loving home that wanted to adopt him and I truly feel that everything worked out how it was intended. The boys are living wildly different lives though...his brother being an only, living way out in the country, traveling to different interesting places. Atty living in a large family, on the edge of town, never having traveled anywhere. Thinking of them living such different interesting lives fascinates and saddens me both at the same time. I guess because Atty has his brothers here and I see them growing up together and I know that Atty and his bio brother are growing up separately and so differently. I catch myself sometimes wondering what it would have been like if they could have all grown up together. I look at my boys playing and sometimes I see with painful clarity how Bubu and Spike are a biological pair and I know that Atty also has a biological pair and then I feel sharply that something is missing. For him. He won't ever get to know what growing up with his biological brother would be like and that sort of gets to me when I really think about it. All pieced together though it can make a beautiful picture and they will have so many stories to tell each other over the years. That simple fact...that Atty will be able to share moments of his life with his brother brings me so much peace. We could have ended up in a situation where there was a brother floating out there in this big wide world that we didn't know and that would have been truly agonizing for us. I know that when I see Atty looking at his brother face to face for the first time it will take ever bit of will power I have to choke back the sobs that will be trying to escape from deep within. It will be bitter sweet indeed. Mostly just sweet though...

Adoption is a beautiful but complicated thing.

So in preparation for their coming I've been working on my various half finished projects and cleaning like mad. I need to have everything in place and feel good about it in order to fully relax so that is what I've been trying to do around here. I have some anxiety issues (putting it mildly) if I've never mentioned that before, and although I know they are not coming to inspect my house I still need it in perfect working order for my own peace of mind. I'm like that with any get together at my drives my husband (who often get the nastier jobs) completely insane. But he rolls with it now knowing that is just who I am. Here are some pictures of what I've been doing and some pictures just for fun. My beautiful eggplant in the front yard.

My potatoes growing in tubs...looking good.



Lots and lots of weeding. And watering. And good thoughts. Time spent praying and centering myself in amongst the greens, best place for prayer if you ask me. :)

My dear sister came over and helped me with the pond. When J was here (which I realize I didn't blog about but know that it was a wonderful much needed time together) Hubby had him help tear the pond apart. It desperately needed an over haul. The fish were caught, the pond emptied and scrubbed, rocks yanked out...basically completely taken apart. They refilled the pond and put the fish back in their home but other then that the pond sat, still not put back together again and looking pretty sad. I really wanted it fixed before Atty's brother comes so my sister helped me out.

We moved some stinkin' heavy rocks let me tell you! She brought me some plants and so we planted some succulents around the pond as a last minute thought and I LOVE it! I can't stand all the gravel and I've been trying to figure out how to slowly add to and distract from it all. This is really going to help as well as eventually keeping a lot of the rocks from sliding down into the pond as they always tend to do.
The look of the pond is really different from when we moved in now and I really like it. I was afraid when we tore into it that we were not going to be able to put it back together well enough, but my fears were unfounded. Thank goodness...

My sister also helped me with the front. We moved this make shift bird bath up there and it looks great. Lots of bird have been coming to my up front garden and so I thought it would be nice to give them a place to get a drink of water. She also brought me some great plants that are native to this area. Best way to plant. I'm super excited about it. We planted almost all of them, always a bonus.

I love the pink against the blue sky.

My front yard is coming together. I really want it to look mostly finished by the time they get here. Ryder just got me some more soil for the back patio area, but it looks like he will have to get 1 or 2 more yards to fill it all in. I won't be able to get it all filled in with moss like it will be eventually but at least it will look almost complete. There is no way to complete this project as it will take years to come together as I want it. I just need it to not look tore up!

This is my new favorite corner of the garden. Right after I took this picture a humming bird flew up to the red flower. Then he zoomed toward me as if looking at me, hovered for a moment, then flew away. It was amazing. I got a picture of him, but it's not a very good one as I was startled to see him there all of a sudden and I was holding a baby...

And last but not least I spent the weekend doing laundry. Cleaning windows. Scrubbing walls and cupboards. Doing dishes. Vacuuming. Organizing. Plus all the regular chores. I'm burnt out and it's just the beginning of a new week, that's never any good. I've got plenty of extra stuff left to do on top of a very busy weekend coming up. I need to pace myself so that I don't burn out!

Now I'm off to make a to do list and figure out how to fit in everything else left to be done...I feel really good about this past weekend considering my husband had to work through the weekend again (as he has been) and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get certain things done. So glad my baby sister could come through for me like she did! Never would have been able to do all that with out her. Now I am way farther along then I though I would be and that is always a nice feeling. I might not be posting again until after Atty's brother (I should give him a cute nickname too) comes to visit. But I will be sure to tell you all about it!

This post started out in deep thought...and ended up empty rambling...but I've got to much to think about and do so I guess I'll just be leaving it at that.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's go time

She's on the move, and boy is she On The MOVE!Every day she gets faster and faster. Just yesterday she was playing a chase game with Spike and giggling away, it was adorable! Spike had a toy she wanted and he knew it, so he turned it into a game. He'd set it down by her and when she would go for it he would pick it up and run away, then he would call to her and say funny stuff and she would giggle and try to go get went on forever! I felt a tiny bit overwhelmed watching my little girl reaching a new milestone, and my baby boy being such a great big brother.
It's mind boggling how babies go from sitting still to crawling in what seems like the blink of an eye. She is also pulling herself up and cruising around! I think she will be walking by her first birthday. I can't believe she's nine months old already!
She is my only kid that doesn't seemed phased by what she is crawling on or in...she crawls on grass no problem, and she started crawling around in the little kid pool! If she spies something she wants to get her chubby little fingers on she will go for it... the camera...
No, no Lala! She always gives this face like she's saying "But how could you say no to me, I'm the cutest?"
Now the house echos with "No baby sister" and "Baby's getting me".
It's a whole new game and it's go time!

Friday, July 9, 2010


In my minds eye my children will always be babies. I think it's that way for lots of mothers. I can remember getting frustrated with my mom for treating me like a baby. I can remember thinking what is wrong with her can't she see how grown I am? Then I had my first born son and I can remember my mom saying that it was weird to see her baby with a baby and I thought, oh come on! This is getting ridiculous, I'm grown now, sheesh! Just today it hit me when I was waking J up. He looked all sleepy and peaceful and in my minds eye I was gazing at a baby J. I realized with a start how giant he is as I looked down at his feet and thought they looked about as big as he was when he was an infant. How grown he has become, while I've been keeping him tucked away in my mind as that chubby little cubby with the curl on the top of his head. Then I wandered out into the kitchen and gazed out the window at my boys and tears came to my eyes as it hit me. They will always be my babies. That's just how it is. It's hard to even imagine but some day my girl might call me and tell me she's having a baby...and I know at that moment I will think "That's not possible because you're still a baby".

~I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be. ~
Robert Munsch

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

.:my spirits were lifted:.

The post in which I inundate you with photos. We had a wonderful day at Baker lake, way up at the top where the river flows into the lake. It was beautiful...and I got some amazing photos. Jacob has been spending some time with us (grin) and I even got some photos of his ever elusive self.
...and now no more words needed...

4th of July photo shoot...ha,ha!

I love getting a cute picture of my boys on the fourth.
This years picture just wasn't happening. First of all you can't even see their cute outfits under all those layers...and second, well the pictures speak for themselves. If you're wondering why Bubu is looking at his hand and refusing to smile in ALL THE PICTURES it's because the poor boy got stung by nettles. Ouch!
Got to love those expressions though!

Strawberry's first fourth of July!

See my scarf? Yeah it was that cold on the 4th of July here in Washington (Being as I live on the rainy, cold, dripping moss side of Washington).Even though Strawberry had to bundle up and didn't get to wear her super cute but not warm enough outfit (I had bought previously thinking it would be warm out, silly me.) she still looked cute!

Because red is her color...and because she's just plain cute!!
She's starting to crawl by the way, brothers beware!

My boys made a 'man cave' with their friend before the fireworks show.

...and let the show begin. I didn't really get very many great picture of all their cute little faces this year. I thought this one was funny though, look at Strawberries face, she wants her mommy! She was pretty tired by the time the show started despite a late nap. She humor her daddy for a bit and then finished the show on mommy's lap all tucked in with Atty. Spike started to get a little nervous and said he wanted to go home a few times but then he changed his mind and watched, Atty enjoyed the fireworks for the first time ever! He kept calling them pretty flowers. So cute. Bubu just sat quietly in awe like he does every year. Everybody had a great time and we didn't get rained on this year so that's always a plus!
I think we might have been the first ones to leave the party though, departing soon after the last boom...mommy gets a little freaked out with people shooting off all their own fireworks in the dark...not everyone is very safe about it. Four tired children up WAY past their bedtimes is also a recipe for disaster in my book so I always try to quit while I'm ahead...we managed to make it home before any major melt downs...tired happy kids all tuck in nice.