Yet another sanity stealer.

So today is the two week anniversary of the mysteriously missing hot water. That's right, our hot water tank is still busted. It's been a long two weeks. One ridiculous hang up after another. My poor sweet self sufficient, no make that stubborn, husband is determined to fix it on his own. After waiting almost two weeks for our next day package (whole different rant, let me just say UPS is evil) to show up with the part we needed, because it just happens to be the only part that has to be ordered not picked up from the hardware store, it turns out that it's apparently not the problem as assumed.

My husband was so excited when he saw Tuesday morning that the part had been delivered some time in the quiet of the night. He was so determined to save us all from the horror of not having any hot water that he proceeded to rip apart the tank and install the magical part right then and there. An hour into it, and now officially late for work, he realized that his guess on what part to order was wrong. Good thing the boys weren't up yet, cause the words spilling out of his mouth were definitely not PG.

I then got to spent the whole day on the phone with the water heater company trying to figure out the list of things my hubby wanted me to ask them while he was at work. I found out were to get the part he now thinks is the *real* problem and he went and picked it up after work. This new part required emptying the entire tank with a hose, which required the door to be cracked open in the dead of winter and caused the babies to sense a chance to escape into the night. Fun stuff. Poor hubby fiddled with the stinking water heater all night, skipped dinner, stressed and struggled and by ten o'clock it was apparent that no fix was in sight. I begged him to call it a night. Gently suggested calling a professional, but calling a professional is like asking for direction, nether of which my husband will do until he is literally, not figuratively, literally bashing his head into a dead end sign. Urrrrrgggg! I know we can't afford getting a professional in here either, but we can't afford for my husband to lose his sanity, and this water heater is a sanity stealer.

I have been trying really hard not to add to my husbands stress by nagging at him about the lack of hot water, because I know he is teetering. If I have to go one more day though heating water on the stove to wash dishes and sponge bathe, my uncharacteristic patience with him in this situation will evaporate.

What kind of mom am I?

Some times I feel like the worse mom in the world.

I had such high hope, grand dreams of the mother I would be as I embarked on this exciting adventure. I felt well equipped. Working in the childcare field for a long time prior to having children, an avid reader of all things related to child development and parenting. Having taken lots of classes in child development and child care. Being the oldest of five children. Had a plan set up, waited until I felt old enough, secure enough, wise enough. Feeling like a smart a@#.

There is no such thing, you can not be wise enough. Uuuggggg, I constantly feel like a bumbling idiot! Ten steps behind. More often then I want to admit I end the day feeling like a failure. I yelled too much, I didn't spend enough quality time with them, didn't truly listen to their needs, was nasty and short tempered, forgot to brush their teeth, let them watch to much TV so I could get chores done, and on and on and on. Mostly it's the yelling, never wanted to be a yeller. I did really well in the beginning with my first. Practically everything by the book, I might have even been able to win awards for my most excellent mothering (joke). Then I got pregnant again and the hormones kicked in, I had a teenage J to deal with, Tank came, then Spike was born, and I haven't had a decent nights sleep in years! Everything I have to do, need to do and want to do is piling up around me. The pressure and stress of it all starts to get me, the boys do something obnoxious for the umteenth time and bam, mom blows her top. I hear myself, and it makes me sick. I want to curl up in my bed and cry because I know better, I should be able to stop myself. I'm afraid that when my kids think of their mom they will think of an angry screaming mom that was always dashing around the house and never had time for them.

That's not to say that we don't spend any time together, because we do. It just doesn't seem like enough. Doesn't seem good enough or out shadow all the shouting. All the frustration. All the demands. I hate the mom I am being right now, would hate to have a mom like me. I want desperately to get back to the mom I was, the mom I was proud to be. The mom that felt like over all she was doing a good job. Instead of going to bed hoping I am not screwing them up to much.

haircuts for all...

Haircuts or more aptly named hack jobs at our house. They all got one, even the hubby. Mommy is the official hair cutter, and I was so tired of the old, barely working buzzer so I bought my boys a new one for Christmas. Now I am aware that this sounds like a lame present, but considering that the old one was literally ripping the hair out of their head instead of cutting it, the boys were super excited.



Daddy went first and the boys could hardly wait to get their hair cut like daddy. Bubu was upset at first because his haircut didn't look exactly like his daddy's, but I managed to convince him that he was still as handsome as his daddy.

Normally when I give them haircuts I cut it really short, but I had started liking the way it looked when it got a bit longer. So since it is winter I decided to let them stay kind of shaggy, maybe it will keep them warmer. I didn't realize how long it had gotten, until after the haircuts, yikes! They were munching on carrots in these pictures, and apparently it was to important to stop gnawing long enough for mommy to snap a picture. It was impossible to get Tank to stay in one place long enough to get a non-blurry, face shot so if you look close enough you can see my hand on his arm holding him in place. The kid moves non stop, and takes great joy in driving his mom crazy when trying to snap a picture of him. Tried to snap a picture of hubby's haircut too, but he is even worse them Atty when it comes to pictures!

Don't knock it tell you try it...

Yes that is Tank sleeping on a chair. The kid rarely makes it through lunch, and he falls to sleep were ever he may be. I have pictures of him asleep in his highchair, he has fallen to sleep on the table, under the table, in his booster seat with his face dipped in his food, and on and on and on. This is the first time he has fallen to sleep hanging off his chair though. I actually have to leave him alone until I am sure he is in a deep sleep so that I can move him to his bed, other wise he will wake up when I try to lay him down and FrEaK out! Parents have come over during daycare hours and wondered why I was letting him sleep in some random place, so I would have to explain. Now it's a joke, everyone knows about Atty's weird sleeping habits.

Where are the reindeer?

Bubu was excited that the reindeer liked the carrot he left out for them, but was sad that they didn't stick around for him to meet personally.

Stockings are my favorite part!

The wagon was a super hit.

Tank was so happy to have his own bike now.

Spike loved his new doggy jammies.

Super cool Spiderman socks!

Bubu loves this book "A Camel that Took a Walk". He is so excited that he doesn't have to take this one back to the library.

Cousin H is cool, Bubu follows his older cousin everywhere!

I caught the ever elusive teenager and forced him to take a picture with me.

All my boys, could I be any happier, Hubby took this picture, I was really impressed. Picture taking is Not his thing!

My mom made her angel food cake for Jesus, and we all sang Happy Birthday, long family tradition.

Ah, the morning after.
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So I hope everyone had a wonderful time together with their families.

~

We had a nice time, my mom came down after all. She called in the morning on Christmas Eve and was super sad because she decided she couldn't drive after all, in the ice and snow and would have to spend Christmas alone. I just couldn't bare that idea, so Ryder drove all the way to her house to get her. He was our super hero, braving the icy roads, driving for over 4 hours because he had to go at a crawl for most of it. The boys were so excited to see her.

~

We had our Christmas Eve chili, it's a tradition my mom has been torturing us with since I was a little kid, I like it now, but I hated it when I was a kid, and I can't say that my boys like it much more then I did. Oh well. It's a sweet chili, kinda strange, she even puts kiwi and pineapple in it, which is well, just strange.

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I got over my whole Santa hang up and we sprinkled our magic reindeer food that we made in preschool out on the lawn, and put out milk and cookies and a super big carrot for his reindeer, they got spoiled this year. I decided I like the stocking thing to much to not do it, and no one else can stuff stockings as well as Santa!

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When the boys woke up and I was walking down the hall with them I was talking to Bubu about checking to see if Santa and his reindeer came and he cried out "I don't see any reindeer!" He was really upset about this. I explained that we wouldn't be actually seeing one, that they come during the night when you are sleeping, and I showed him the carrot that had bites taken out of it. He was a bit disappointed. Poor thing apparently he thought that Rudolf would be waiting for him in the living room! None of the boys were willing to even look at the tree let alone get into the stockings until they had their morning cocoa. Which gave Ryder a chance to make coffee thank goodness!

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We got into the stockings, then took a break for our special Christmas morning breakfast, then back to presents. I had found a favorite book of Bubu's that we had read a million times this summer, a book we had checked out from the library. Now he has his own special copy, you should have heard him scream when he saw it, super funny! It's a book that only him and I seem to understand, no one else really seems to like it. I had to read it right there on the spot, and he soaked in every word. Spike and Tank got a special book too. The big hit with all of them was the red wagon I believe. Bubu has all the sudden become obsessed with Spiderman, and I got him some Spiderman socks and a Spiderman pillow case and he was over the moon excited about that!

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We went to hubby's mom's place in the afternoon, got to see J that was nice. Hubby's sister was there too, and Bubu was super excited to see his cousin. I had asked them not to do the present thing, because we weren't, except for something small for cousin and J. Either way they got us all presents anyway and went above and beyond again like always. It is sweet of them to be so giving, but it's also frustrating because I asked them not to. It was hard to be around *Jnut* (hubby's mom, I think I will call her this from now on!) but hubby told me I did a good job, I am a good pretender when I need to be. I did hid in the bathroom, a lot, they probably thought there was something wrong with me! J looked so grown, he is taller then me now! It was so good to see him, I hugged him a trillion times, drove him crazy, he is almost 14 so he can only handle so much snuggling. I wrapped my arms tight around him over and over again while he squirmed to get away, but I could tell he like the snuggles, he just needed to pretend to save face. He told me he loved me a few times and was being really sweet, I miss him so much! I know he can easily drive me crazy, but not being around him is hard too. He is growing so fast, it was quite shocking actually. I cried a bit on the way home, which hubby was sweet about this time.

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We got home well after dark, and hubby then got back on the road and drove my mom home, he didn't get home until real late, it was so absolutely sweet and unselfish of him. Over all it was a great day, although completely exhausting for all. One of the funniest things I overheard was my husband saying to Bubu while he was having a melt down at the end of the day, "you had to much sugar huh" and Bubu sobbing "yes". We all had too much sugar...

A patchwork Christmas

So this Christmas I decided to *go green*, *get frugal*, *be cheap* what ever you want to call it. ~reuse~reduce~recycle~ With this in mind and a overwhelming want to go minimal, to see how creative I could get, keep things basic and still have a fun Christmas I decided to wrap most of my presents for my own family this year in fabric. Now normally this would not be cheap and would be wasteful if you weren't going to reuse the fabric, but I have more fabric collecting in my closet then any one person should have. For various reasons it has been collecting in there patiently waiting for someone not so busy to make something beautiful with them. Well I still don't have time to do much of any thing with the fabric, but in the mean time I found it can double as an an excellent wrap. I didn't want to cut any of it, because I am going to use it for something else some day, so that made it a bit difficult, but I managed. My friend and I were going to make reusable fabric gift bags together but I of course didn't have the time. She made some though and they are really cute. I love anything frog, so I just had to use this fabric.

This present is for my mom, and I know she will love my choice of fabric for her present, she might be disappointed though when I tell her she can keep it, the fabric that is...

Another favorite, star and moon fabric. This one I experimented with wrapping so that I could tie it at the top and I really liked it this way. I have seen fabric wraps you can buy that show you how to wrap them a certain way. I was trying to make it look something like that.

*

So now onto presents. I didn't have a lot to spend on them this year and I have a few special children in my life that are not my own that I wanted to do something for so I made them stuffed animals. A few kids got Sock Monkeys, which only cost me the price of a few sock, which I got a good deal on. A couple others got Bella Bunnies. Now this project didn't cost me anything because I already had the fabric, but I should have tried it ahead of time to work out the kinks, because it was harder then I had anticipated. Either way I finished them, and as long as they don't see the beautiful ones that my friend makes I'll be fine. By the way if you want to see what they are actually suppose to look like check out her blog treasuresunderthewillowtree.blogspot.com (I don't know how to link, sorry) there is also a link to her etsy shop from there. She is the friend that makes fabric gift bags too, she is one creative lady! She is also the one who showed me how to make the sock monkeys, except mine look nothing like hers. The very first quilt I ever made, I made with her. Nobody got quilts this year though, not enough time!

Here is one of the sock monkeys, this one was made from a really soft sock which made the sock monkey really squishy and nice, but was really hard to sew!

One of my daycare mom's is having a baby girl soon and asked if I would make her a sock monkey for her little girl, so I actually gave this one to her at her baby shower which was a few weeks ago.

This is a Bella Bunny. It has a cute little tail on the back. It's for one of my daycare kids.

So here is another one of the presents I wrapped, my son loves animals so I wrapped his present in a zoo animal print. Our tree is going to look like a patch work quilt this Christmas, cool!

Another monkey I made for one of my daycare kids, the brother of the soon to be sister. He just had to have a sock monkey too, he loved the one for his sister.

This Bella Bunny is for Bella. I wanted to attempt to make these just for her, so I could give her a stuffed animal with her name. I didn't use as soft of fabric for the head and arms and legs as I did for the other one, which I regretted in the end, but I wanted to use the purple color.

Frogs again, I'm telling you I have a thing for frogs, I collect frog stuff actually, have been since I was a teenager.

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So there yeah go, I attempted to go *sort of* green this Christmas. I even reused paper and gift bags from last year. I bought some of my presents for my boys from a mom who buys stuff at thrift stores and such and cleans them up and resells them. She is a stay at home mom and make pretty good money doing this. She cut me a deal, which was nice of her. I bought their books this year from amazon, used, and got a really good deal that way. We gave minimal gifts, meaningful ones, and I am really excited for tomorrow. Each boy got one bigger gift, and since big brother already has a bike, we got the little ones wheels to ride, they are going to be so excited!

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I still haven't figured out what I am going to do about the whole Santa thing and how to tie the whole thing into what the true meaning of Christmas is for us or how far I want to take the whole Santa thing, and Christmas is tomorrow. You think I would have had this all figured out by now, after all Bubu is over three years old, but I keep changing my mind, and I have a general ideal of what I want our holiday traditions to be surrounding these topics but that's all it is just a general idea. Actually I'd rather just focus on Saint Nicholas, but I am not sure how to tie this in and if we should only focus on him and not Santa at all...Bla, bla, bla...Oh I don't know!

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I wasn't raise with the Santa thing, so I don't even really know what it's all about. I guess the dilemma is I haven't decided if this was a good thing or not.

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Well I hope your Christmas with your family is a delightful, and hopefully less confusing, experience! Looks like we are having a White Christmas around here after all! It's been a long time since we have had one of those.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Snuggle time

Snuggle time is my favorite. I love snuggling my boys to sleep. I don't care what others may think, and I have heard it all...I just don't care. Soon they will learn how to go to sleep on there own, but until then I will snuggle them off into dream land just like I always have. In the larger picture this period in time does not last long, not nearly long enough. Soon enough they will be two and learning how to go to sleep on their own. Bubu now has no problem going up to bed, he's had lots of snuggles and bedtime has always been a positive thing. Plus mommy still gives him snuggles sometimes after the babies drift off, if he is still tossing and turning. Other times I don't, I just leave the door open and let him drift off on his own, because I am aware that this is an important thing for children to learn how to do. He just needs a reminder some times that mommy enjoys special snuggle time with him too, even bigger boys need snuggles.

I was thinking last night that bedtime is my favorite time of day (mostly cause I am really tired!). Not just for the quiet, or the peacefulness but because no matter how hectic, or stressful the day was, no matter how wretched the boys may have been, it all melts away as we snuggle together. It's at these moments that my love for them just washes over me, it's such a great reminder and a positive way to end the day. Which can be so needed on the more trying days, like all of the days lately with everything that has been going on and the fact that the boys are experiencing the stir crazy winter time blues.

Bubu always gives me a kiss after stories and before climbing up to bed, then the moment the light turns off and we are all snuggled in he reminds me about prayers. We pray together in the dark and he adds his little bits in here and there, it's so adorable. Then he blows me two more kisses that I have to catch and I do the same for him. He will not settle down until we complete this every night.

I snuggle between the babies on the bottom bunk, Spike wraps his soft little arm around my neck and Atty usually wants me to hold his pudgy little foot (?) or wrap my arm around his tummy and then we all settle down together. Even if a moment earlier the babies were screaming, it all just dissipates, resolves it's self in snugly love. I know these moments will fade way to fast, so for now I treasure them.

Snowthankful!

Note to self...do not ever post during an emotional melt down again!
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um yeah, sorry about that. My husbands stress dumped on top of mine, the babies non-stop screaming that morning, piled on to everything else that was going on and it spelled disaster at the keyboard. I will definitely attempt to stay away from the keyboard in those situation from now on.
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I do really appreciate your heartfelt comments though, they brought tears to my eyes, in a good way. I realize that I am not the only one out there that is having or has had hard times. I want to start refocusing on others instead of getting myself all caught up in my own problems. I need to remember to pray and put my faith in God. I know He knows what is best for our family, even if it doesn't make any sense to me at the time. I am a control freak so it is hard for me to let go and let God.
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On a lighter note after my emotion and very public melt down, I pulled myself together and decided it was time for some snow fun! So we went outside and built a snow man. Bubu was so excited because last time we tried it didn't work so well, but this time it was perfect snowman building snow.

We got the eyes, nose and mouth done, but by this time Spike wasn't having it any more, and was having a complete melt down. In fairness to him the snow was up to his knees and he was already so bundled that he could barely walk, things weren't working out so well for him.

He wasn't so keen on the whole playing in the snow thing. So we called it a day. Bubu was really worried that his snowman would get to cold because it didn't have a hat or scarf, so I told him not to worry and that we would finish it the next day. He talked about his cold snowman all night.

So this morning we woke up to more snow! Good grief, I haven't seen this much snow around here in a long time. Bubu found a hat for his snowman, I found a scarf, and we headed back outside.

Now he is all warm (but he doesn't have any hands, poor snowman). He got a little lop sided over night and he had more snow piled on top of him, so we fixed him up a bit and he was all better. Bubu just loves him. We would make more, but the babies can't stay out for long. Spike didn't like the snow any more today then he did yesterday. Atty was having fun until he did about four repetitive face plants in the snow, then it was all over, time to go inside.

Bubu didn't want to come in so I let him play on the back deck for a while. He was covered in snow, but he was having a blast. It was really cute. I have a lot to be thankful for, hard times or not.

I need a good long snotty cry...

Everything is breaking, falling apart, overwhelming, stress is building, and now my husband is headed for a nervous break down over it all. He quietly told me this morning that he is having a hard time holding it together. His jaw hurts, his muscles ache from the stress of it all. Oh my heart. It breaks when I hear him talk like this. He holds the weight of his family, the responsibility of taking care of us, all on his shoulders. He works so hard, but he feels like we never get ahead. Right now I feel like we never get ahead. But I fake it, I try desperately to reassure him, to see the positive.

When he falls apart, we all fall apart. Things get bad, very, very bad. So now I am scared, on top of being stressed and worried about him and our rapidly deteriorating situation. I begged him not to fall apart, because if he does I will. I have barely been holding it together as it is.

I wish I could do more. Since I am a stay at home mom, I try to bring in money with the daycare, and I normally bring in a good amount, but since the move I've only got one full time kid, and literally no other calls have come in. I guess I'm not the only one, daycares all over around here are having a hard time because people are trying to figure out how to cut that cost out of their already tight budgets. Plus I guess the ration of kids to daycares isn't good around here, there are too many daycares in relation to how many kids. Didn't know this when we moved here, I was told the opposite actually. It's such a big change for me because before we moved I had a full house and a waiting list. I never had less then six, which is my max. I was well known in the area and got referrals all the time. I still have a mom who drives 45 minutes to have me watch two of her boys, once a week, for a few hours.

My husband is a Union Carpenter and so he is having a hard time trying to stay with steady work. This time of year slows down anyways but add to that the fact that the economy has slowed down and it spells u.n.e.m.p.l.o.y.m.e.n.t. Waiting lists a mile long, and unemployment checks that don't even cover our mortgage payment let along the rest of the bills, oh and food, can't forget the food. He just found out that his current job will be done at the end of this week, then he has to go to school for two weeks and after that no job. So right after Christmas, my husband will most likely be jobless. First I was feeling guilty that the kids didn't have any presents, now I feel guilty that we got them presents on credit that we can't afford to pay.

Everywhere I look things are falling apart. The dishwasher is borderline at best, the coffee machine works when it wants to (I know this seems like a small thing, but to a tired mom it can make or break my day I swear). We just recently had to fix our toilet. The hot tub that my husband so desperately wanted, broke soon after we moved in, and sits empty on the back deck. The heater in the bathroom broke a while ago and we still haven't been able to fix it. I know a heater in a bathroom is not a requirement but the whole back part of the house is already so cold, because the is no heat source in any of the bedrooms. This didn't seem like a big deal in the summer when we bought the house, but now that it is snowing, well that changes things. The van needs a tune up something awful, and to top it off the hot water heater broke last night. Completely and totally broken. Which means if we don't get it fixed immediately, I can't run the daycare and we have even less income then before.

Now it is snowing again, and it really is beautiful but all I can think about is that it just makes it harder for my husband to work.

I know we still have a lot to be thankful for, but at this moment I am painfully aware that we also have a lot to loss at any moment. The weight of that makes it hard to function. Makes it hard to be a good mom. Because I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head and have a good, long, snotty cry. Nice and loud. The kind of cry that makes you sound like a little kid all over again. But I can't. Normally when I really need to cry I take a long hot shower and let it all out in private, but I can't do that either...no hot water. A big part of me wants to run away, but obviously I won't be doing that. What do I do?

Is there such a thing?

Getting the perfect Christmas picture, impossible.

And the winner is...

I just go for one that sort of doesn't suck, and call it done. At least no one is screaming, flailing, or trying desperately to get away. Everyone is looking in the general direction of the camera. The best part, it was free because my beautiful sister volunteered her time to take it for us. No use going in for professional pictures that I would have to sell my left kidney for when I know that the chances of even one of the pictures turning out is slim to none.

the second mom

My closes friend Iva. She plays a big role in my life with boys. She is my sanity finder, my best source of support (some things the hubby just doesn't understand), my listening ear, my sister by choice. She has been there for me the last eight years or so and has helped me through some rough times. It seems like we have always known each other. I don't know that I would have made it through some of the obstacles that have faced me over the years if it weren't for her support. She is the unofficially god mother for all my boys. I know she would keep a watchful eye on them if need be. They absolutely love her.
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We met when I was working as a postal supervisor in a contract station. I knew right when I spoke to her for the first time that we would be friends. Neither of use had kids, we were young and having fun for the most part. We bonded over boy troubles, our boyfriends at the time, soon to turn husbands for both of us. I still remember her shinning happy face when she showed me her ring the night her man proposed to her, and she was one of the first people I called when hubby and I finally got engaged. She was there at my small outdoor wedding that was all of nine people, including the lady that married us.
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She started it all a few years after we met when she had her baby girl. Got me thinking. That baby girl was the most beautiful child, I was in love. I was lucky enough to watch Bella in my childcare starting at a few months old, I watched her as she grew, shared in the excitement of her firsts. Just a short while after her daughter was born I got pregnant. Iva was the first to know (besides my husband). I called her, blubbering into the phone, and she came right over. She was there for me the whole time. When I found out at 36 weeks that I was not going to have the natural childbirth that I had planned, but instead was going in for a C-section, she was there at the hospital. She feed me ice chips in the recovery room. She came over to help in the childcare while I was healing. She lent me emotional support during the transition into motherhood.

She was there on the day that my heart child came to me. This is the only picture I have of that day, and it is fitting that she is in it. That day was a whirlwind of emotion, a blur, and she stayed until way into the night to help sort things out. I was five months pregnant and super emotional anyways, and she was my shoulder to cry on, my pillar of support. I can tell her anything, and there is no judgement. She understands me.

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Our first born children are so close, they are the best of friends. Bella and Bubu. We've done numerous family outings together, and since Bella went to my childcare before we moved, she grew up with Bubu. They saw each other practically every day for a while there. Bella was convinced for the longest time that Bubu was her brother and would tell people that as a matter of fact. They love each other like siblings, they fight like siblings. She is the big sister to my boys.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child Iva was sitting out in the living room talking to my husband, while I was in the bathroom staring in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test. She found out at the same time as my husband. When Spike was born I had that natural childbirth that I had wanted with Bubu. It was awesome, while at the same time the hardest thing I have ever done. She was there the whole time, right by my side while my hubby slept in the other room with Bubu. In credit to hubby, he was kicked out of the room by me, because he was falling asleep next to me while I was withering in pain, and it really pissed me off. So I told him to go get me Iva, and he did, cause he's a smart man and knows what a laboring women wants, a laboring women gets. Poor Iva saw way more then I am sure she ever wanted to see of me, but she stayed by me, taking turns with my mom, the whole night through. She was there with my husband and my mom when I pushed my littlest out into the world, she cried with me, she held her breath with me while he struggled to breath, and she cried with me again when he started breathing. That kid was 10 lbs 3 ounces by the way, it was no easy feat getting him out!

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She came over all the time after Spike was born to help out. I had three babies under two and was running the Childcare two weeks after he was born, and life was hectic. More then one women could manage, so she didn't leave me to struggle alone. She did all she could. Never asking for anything in return.

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When we moved last May, I almost had a nervous stress induced melt down, and if it hadn't been for her, I might have fallen completely apart. My health was deteriorating (still trying to recover!) from stress and lack of sleep, I was averaging about 3-4 broken up hours of sleep a night. I was literally looking for, and buying the house on my own, because my husband works so much. At the same time I was running the daycare up until the Friday before the weekend that we moved, and taking care of three little boys. She came over consistently to help, rearranged her whole schedule, lost work and made less money, just to help me out. Drove over an hour to our new house over and over again to take my plants, and even planted my fruit trees for me. Helped us move in. I know it drove her husband crazy all the time she was spending helping me out, saving my sanity, but she still did it. I don't think at this point in our friendship I could ever manage to equally repay her. I try, but I fall short.

Now our first born are older and still the best of friends, this is their fourth Christmas picture together.

Iva is finally having her second child. I get to be there. I couldn't be there for Bella because the whole thing lasted for days, poor girl. We are hoping for a different result this time around and I hope that I can provide the same amount of support for her that she provided for me. She is having another girl, and Bubu is already talking about the new baby girl. I am so happy for her.

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She was over a couple weekends ago and we were so excited to see them. We don't get to spend as much time together being as we live farther away now. It's like movie stars are visiting when we know that Iva and Bella are coming. Bubu will run around the house screaming in excitement when he knows they are coming.

I feel truly blessed to have meet such a wonderful and supportive person. To call her my friend, my sister. I know they are moving to another state some time after her baby is born, and it breaks my heart to even think about it. I know there is truly no one out there that can compare, she is a shining star.

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We've shared a lot of laughter and a lot of tears. We have watch each other evolve into motherhood. She may never see this post, but I wanted to reminisce over the years of friendship, and talk about the women that is truly my children's second mom. The women who does all of this for me just because she cares.

*SNOW*

Beautiful frosted flakes! We had an awesome weekend. Yesterday we went to a really cool place that was all decked out in lights. A winter wonderland of sorts, and it actually started to snow on the way there! First snow of the year, we were all really excited. The place boasted of having over a million light, and they are not kidding! There were train rides (not for real), horse and wagon rides, different themes, treats, the works. Of course I forgot my camera, cause I'm just that lame. We were greeted by a beautiful view of our home when we pulled in the driveway though, so I ran in and got my camera for that.



Today, we played in the snow, and the boys really enjoyed it. We tried to make a snowman, but the snow is that light fluffy kind that just doesn't stick together well, so we gave up and busted out the sleds.

Hubby and I ran around in circles pulling those sleds until I thought I might faint, and the boys were still not ready to call it quits. Atty liked laying down on the sled and staring up at the sky as he flew around the back yard. Bubu and Spike shared a sled and they were so cute together.

I actually got a picture of Hubby smiling!

The boy's noses turned Rudolf, the snot started to run, and I swear their fingers were frozen solid, gloves and all, and they still didn't want to come in.

I roughed it out, but hubby is apparently not as tough as me. I took an uncountable amount of pictures to make up for my lame mistake last night.

Finally they hit the breaking point and we hustled inside for some cozy Christmas jammies, hot cocoa and a movie. We had spent the better half of the day shopping, and the two littlest skipped any sort of formal nap so I am expecting them to crash early. If we can avoid the melt down that usually comes with being overly tired, that would be nice. Either way it's early dinner, early bed time, so that always means more quite time for mommy. Hopefully all that fresh air and exercise will keep them crashed all night long. Wouldn't that make for the perfect weekend!