Monday, December 15, 2008

the second mom

My closes friend Iva. She plays a big role in my life with boys. She is my sanity finder, my best source of support (some things the hubby just doesn't understand), my listening ear, my sister by choice. She has been there for me the last eight years or so and has helped me through some rough times. It seems like we have always known each other. I don't know that I would have made it through some of the obstacles that have faced me over the years if it weren't for her support. She is the unofficially god mother for all my boys. I know she would keep a watchful eye on them if need be. They absolutely love her.
We met when I was working as a postal supervisor in a contract station. I knew right when I spoke to her for the first time that we would be friends. Neither of use had kids, we were young and having fun for the most part. We bonded over boy troubles, our boyfriends at the time, soon to turn husbands for both of us. I still remember her shinning happy face when she showed me her ring the night her man proposed to her, and she was one of the first people I called when hubby and I finally got engaged. She was there at my small outdoor wedding that was all of nine people, including the lady that married us.
She started it all a few years after we met when she had her baby girl. Got me thinking. That baby girl was the most beautiful child, I was in love. I was lucky enough to watch Bella in my childcare starting at a few months old, I watched her as she grew, shared in the excitement of her firsts. Just a short while after her daughter was born I got pregnant. Iva was the first to know (besides my husband). I called her, blubbering into the phone, and she came right over. She was there for me the whole time. When I found out at 36 weeks that I was not going to have the natural childbirth that I had planned, but instead was going in for a C-section, she was there at the hospital. She feed me ice chips in the recovery room. She came over to help in the childcare while I was healing. She lent me emotional support during the transition into motherhood.

She was there on the day that my heart child came to me. This is the only picture I have of that day, and it is fitting that she is in it. That day was a whirlwind of emotion, a blur, and she stayed until way into the night to help sort things out. I was five months pregnant and super emotional anyways, and she was my shoulder to cry on, my pillar of support. I can tell her anything, and there is no judgement. She understands me.
Our first born children are so close, they are the best of friends. Bella and Bubu. We've done numerous family outings together, and since Bella went to my childcare before we moved, she grew up with Bubu. They saw each other practically every day for a while there. Bella was convinced for the longest time that Bubu was her brother and would tell people that as a matter of fact. They love each other like siblings, they fight like siblings. She is the big sister to my boys.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child Iva was sitting out in the living room talking to my husband, while I was in the bathroom staring in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test. She found out at the same time as my husband. When Spike was born I had that natural childbirth that I had wanted with Bubu. It was awesome, while at the same time the hardest thing I have ever done. She was there the whole time, right by my side while my hubby slept in the other room with Bubu. In credit to hubby, he was kicked out of the room by me, because he was falling asleep next to me while I was withering in pain, and it really pissed me off. So I told him to go get me Iva, and he did, cause he's a smart man and knows what a laboring women wants, a laboring women gets. Poor Iva saw way more then I am sure she ever wanted to see of me, but she stayed by me, taking turns with my mom, the whole night through. She was there with my husband and my mom when I pushed my littlest out into the world, she cried with me, she held her breath with me while he struggled to breath, and she cried with me again when he started breathing. That kid was 10 lbs 3 ounces by the way, it was no easy feat getting him out!
She came over all the time after Spike was born to help out. I had three babies under two and was running the Childcare two weeks after he was born, and life was hectic. More then one women could manage, so she didn't leave me to struggle alone. She did all she could. Never asking for anything in return.
When we moved last May, I almost had a nervous stress induced melt down, and if it hadn't been for her, I might have fallen completely apart. My health was deteriorating (still trying to recover!) from stress and lack of sleep, I was averaging about 3-4 broken up hours of sleep a night. I was literally looking for, and buying the house on my own, because my husband works so much. At the same time I was running the daycare up until the Friday before the weekend that we moved, and taking care of three little boys. She came over consistently to help, rearranged her whole schedule, lost work and made less money, just to help me out. Drove over an hour to our new house over and over again to take my plants, and even planted my fruit trees for me. Helped us move in. I know it drove her husband crazy all the time she was spending helping me out, saving my sanity, but she still did it. I don't think at this point in our friendship I could ever manage to equally repay her. I try, but I fall short.
Now our first born are older and still the best of friends, this is their fourth Christmas picture together.

Iva is finally having her second child. I get to be there. I couldn't be there for Bella because the whole thing lasted for days, poor girl. We are hoping for a different result this time around and I hope that I can provide the same amount of support for her that she provided for me. She is having another girl, and Bubu is already talking about the new baby girl. I am so happy for her.
She was over a couple weekends ago and we were so excited to see them. We don't get to spend as much time together being as we live farther away now. It's like movie stars are visiting when we know that Iva and Bella are coming. Bubu will run around the house screaming in excitement when he knows they are coming.
I feel truly blessed to have meet such a wonderful and supportive person. To call her my friend, my sister. I know they are moving to another state some time after her baby is born, and it breaks my heart to even think about it. I know there is truly no one out there that can compare, she is a shining star.
We've shared a lot of laughter and a lot of tears. We have watch each other evolve into motherhood. She may never see this post, but I wanted to reminisce over the years of friendship, and talk about the women that is truly my children's second mom. The women who does all of this for me just because she cares.


Mama said...

What a beautiful thing to have to make sure she reads this post and that you tell her how much she means to you. I am so happy to know you have such a dear friend.

smiles4u said...

This is such a beautiful story about your friend. I hope she gets to read this or that you can at least print it out for will mean a lot to her. Friends that are like family, are the best and such a priceless gift. I rejoice in this beautiful friend of yours!

Melody said...

I too hope she reads this! You are really blessed to have such a generous and kind-hearted friend, and I know she thinks of you the same way :)