playing catch up

So I am feeling a bit of mommy guilt. I swore I would do everything the same for all my kids and I put forth a good faith effort I really did. It's just that I set the bar So High with my first that I can't possibly compete, I am failing miserably.

I took Bubu in for professional pictures every two months until he was a year, then his 18 month, and his two year picture. I wrote in every portion of his elaborate baby book. I did a journal entry every month until he was two! Made him a scrapbook of his first year. Every little thing he did. Everything! Pictures, pictures, pictures. I swear I took pictures daily when he was a baby. It's like those videos that are put together of something that is captured growing by taking rapid pictures over a certain amount of time. I could do a flip book of him morphing into a three year old.

Then along came Atty, and even though I was 5 months pregnant I was determined to do the same for him. I started out doing a pretty good job I'd have to say. Took him in for all his professional pictures (up to a year), wrote in his baby book on time, journal entries monthly, took pictures, but it was all a little less, a little harder to keep up. I did put together a photo album of his first year, but never even started on a scrapbook. Then we moved and it all fell apart for the most part.

Poor Spike, he didn't even get a chance. When he was born, Atty was 4 months old, Bubu was 20 months old, and life was hectic to say the least. I have never been so tired in all my life, the kind of tired were your bones are tired. The kind of tired were if you allow yourself to sit still for one moment your eyes will be rolling into the back of your head, dead a** tired. I tried, I really did, it started out well, took him to all his pictures (just not always on time) until he was 10 months old, sort of wrote in his baby book, journal entries (less), took pictures if someone put the camera in my hand...he is the only baby that didn't get a professional one year photo, so it is missing from the wall and reminds me of what a slacker I have become with him. He is also the only baby that doesn't even have a photo album of his first year, let alone a scrapbook.

And now I realized with a start last night that I haven't wrote in the journals for any of the boys since June! I don't really feel bad about not keeping up with Bubu's, because his became a once and a while thing any ways after he turned two, but Atty and Spike, I really wanted to at least muddle through until they were two. So now my dilemma is, should I just play catch up for the last months missed and pretend like I wrote every month, so they will never know. Or should I just skip the last months and start journal entries again. I just keep envisioning them older, asking me why I didn't care about them as much...which of course isn't true, but I did put a lot more effort into everything with Bubu. I'm more inclined to fake it, any suggestions?