One last round

I am for sure, without a doubt, sick, sick, sick...I mean pregnant!

So people I am one of those lucky girls that gets sick and dizzy and tired from the moment of conception on through about four months along. Uuuugggg...at least I can still eat and cook food with out gagging at this stage because it is still really early. Really, really early. I found out super early with Spike too. Pretty soon though I will be able to smell cigarette smoke from 10 miles away and it will throw me into a tizzy. I will detest anything made of meat, and gag at the smell of meat cooking. I will crave eating fruit and fruit only. I will gain 50-55 pound, just like the other two pregnancies, no matter how hard I try not too. I even went on a special diet when I was pregnant with Spike, to try and keep him smaller (as in 10 lbs 3 ounces instead of 10 lbs 11.5 ounces like his big brother) didn't work so well, I still gained 50 lbs! I'm sure there will be plenty of other surprises in store for me this time, I will just have to wait and see.

Being as this is my third and last pregnancy, I am hoping to really treasure it. I had a hard time with my feelings last time when I was pregnant with Spike. I didn't get to focus on being pregnant, and things were really stressful and overwhelming with Tank being placed with us unexpectedly when I was 5 months pregnant. J was still living with us then also, and there was a lot of stress involved with trying to raise him. My whole pregnancy kind of got skipped over as everyone, myself included was focused on little baby Atty. When we were in public, people would double take me, because I was so obviously pregnant looking but at the same time I had a two month old on my hip, and they just couldn't figure it out. People seemed afraid to make comments about my pregnancy, my mom for the most part was to distracted(My brother is Atty's biological father, so the whole thing hit her pretty hard) to pay any attention to me at all. My husband was having a hard time. I felt very alone. I was so tired from caring for an infant, that had serious trouble sleeping, that when Spike was born, I was already burnt out. For me Spikes infancy is a blur. I barely survived, and I most definitely didn't get to enjoy it as much as I wish I could have. Still makes me sad when I think about it. So although Spike was going to be our last, before Tank was placed with us, we decided to try one more time. The final pregnancy, which I am hoping I will be able to focus on more. I am going to make the effort to do so anyways. Being as the youngest will be almost two and a half by the time this baby is born,(when Spike was born the oldest was only 20 months!) it will be a lot easier to focus on the new infant then before, that's for sure.

So hopefully, God willing, everything will continue to go well and I will have lots to tell you. As I said it is still really early and we haven't even told many people yet, I always try to wait until I get through the first trimester. Judging by how sick and dizzy and grumpy I am though I would say everything seems to be going fine...