One last round

I am for sure, without a doubt, sick, sick, sick...I mean pregnant!

So people I am one of those lucky girls that gets sick and dizzy and tired from the moment of conception on through about four months along. Uuuugggg...at least I can still eat and cook food with out gagging at this stage because it is still really early. Really, really early. I found out super early with Spike too. Pretty soon though I will be able to smell cigarette smoke from 10 miles away and it will throw me into a tizzy. I will detest anything made of meat, and gag at the smell of meat cooking. I will crave eating fruit and fruit only. I will gain 50-55 pound, just like the other two pregnancies, no matter how hard I try not too. I even went on a special diet when I was pregnant with Spike, to try and keep him smaller (as in 10 lbs 3 ounces instead of 10 lbs 11.5 ounces like his big brother) didn't work so well, I still gained 50 lbs! I'm sure there will be plenty of other surprises in store for me this time, I will just have to wait and see.

Being as this is my third and last pregnancy, I am hoping to really treasure it. I had a hard time with my feelings last time when I was pregnant with Spike. I didn't get to focus on being pregnant, and things were really stressful and overwhelming with Tank being placed with us unexpectedly when I was 5 months pregnant. J was still living with us then also, and there was a lot of stress involved with trying to raise him. My whole pregnancy kind of got skipped over as everyone, myself included was focused on little baby Atty. When we were in public, people would double take me, because I was so obviously pregnant looking but at the same time I had a two month old on my hip, and they just couldn't figure it out. People seemed afraid to make comments about my pregnancy, my mom for the most part was to distracted(My brother is Atty's biological father, so the whole thing hit her pretty hard) to pay any attention to me at all. My husband was having a hard time. I felt very alone. I was so tired from caring for an infant, that had serious trouble sleeping, that when Spike was born, I was already burnt out. For me Spikes infancy is a blur. I barely survived, and I most definitely didn't get to enjoy it as much as I wish I could have. Still makes me sad when I think about it. So although Spike was going to be our last, before Tank was placed with us, we decided to try one more time. The final pregnancy, which I am hoping I will be able to focus on more. I am going to make the effort to do so anyways. Being as the youngest will be almost two and a half by the time this baby is born,(when Spike was born the oldest was only 20 months!) it will be a lot easier to focus on the new infant then before, that's for sure.

So hopefully, God willing, everything will continue to go well and I will have lots to tell you. As I said it is still really early and we haven't even told many people yet, I always try to wait until I get through the first trimester. Judging by how sick and dizzy and grumpy I am though I would say everything seems to be going fine...

living in limbo land

Well I have been through a wide range of emotions the past few days, and now I am at a loss as to how I should be feeling.

Friday I took a pregnancy test, the line kind, and it said negative. Sunday I took one in the morning, the kind that says pregnant or not pregnant, and it said pregnant. Then I took another one that afternoon and it said not pregnant. Then the next morning, not pregnant. Then I bought the line kind again and took one Tuesday and there was the faintest second line, like you almost had to use your imagination faint. I took one first thing this morning which is suppose to be the best time to take one, and I got the same result, the faintest almost not there second line. Last month I got my period on either the 27th or the 28th, I think, so if I am getting it is should be here any day now. I have one more test and I am going to try and wait until the end of this month and if I still don't have my period, I will take that test. Except I am obsessive, if you can tell, and I'm probably going to take it tomorrow morning, because I can't help myself.

Don't you think if I was pregnant I would be getting a more positive result from the tests as the days go by. It makes no sense. I know it is early to be testing, but I knew I was pregnant right away with Spike, and I took a test 19 days after conception, and got a positive result, and I feel the same way this time around. Spike was born exactly 9 months after conception, to the day! Maybe I was pregnant, but it's not going to work this time around. I know this kind of stuff happens for a reasons, but I really wish now that I hadn't taken any tests and never got that positive result. That's the one that is driving me crazy.

I have to figure out something to take my mind off of this, any suggestions?

Okay, so I really am crazy...

My dear, dear hubby is not working right now, he's laid off, and he is driving me CrAzy!

When he is here during the day he messes up my schedule and seriously makes things more complicated for me. I am trying not to get too evil, but I am border line at best right now. He is having a hard time getting another job, because of the economy, so we could be in for the long haul this time. I don't think I will survive! I have a packed schedule all day, and I really need to be able to do things at a certain time for the most part and he is so clueless. He sits down at the computer when I need to, he starts talking to me when I need to be doing something with the children, the kids and I will be up to our elbows in glue and paint and he will want me to stop and answer a question or help him with some thing, oblivious of what is going on. I swear he is critiquing me, and making little comments about things he doesn't really understand. He gets the kids all riled up when they need to be calming down, oh the list goes on and on. I like to work alone, I need my space, I have to be my own boss, and I don't need one more distraction added to my day.

Most of these obnoxious annoyances happen in the morning, then he goes out into his shop or running around looking for a job, then back in his shop, and doesn't come in until late at night. I am getting less help at night then I was when he was working. That's when I need him here, at the end of the day, when I am burnt out and turning into Super Crazy Mommy (cape and all), not during the day when he is just getting in the way. My days are just all around frustrating right now, I sure hope he gets a job soon.

That being said I do have to give him credit for coming in and helping me straighten up the house last night in preparation for a wild full house day today. He cleaned up the whole kitchen, which is awesome, because dishes are my worse...hate 'um. Especially since I end up doing them All Day Long!

Oh and in other news, Hubby and I are trying for baby number 4! I like even numbers, ha, ha! I am giving myself until my 31st birthday, which is in September, at which time if I am not pregnant, I will be done. We are trying for a girl, don't ask, it's suppose to be possible. Not very fun though. I know, it's really great planning with my hubby being out of work and all, but there never seems to be the perfect moment, and I want the kids to be fairly close together in age. So yah, I sort of made up my mind, as long as I don't think about it too much...

because...

Bubu- "why...why...why...why...why...why...why...why...why..."
Me-"well....because...it's...you see...sometimes....when...there's...because I said so!...STOP!...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

The "whys" started a week ago and I have been reduced to a babbling mess. He does it for fun. Does it not only to learn, but also to argue. Just to drive me crazy. So today I have a new tactic, today I flip it around on him. Today I make him think. Today I ask him why. "Why do you think Bubu?" I've used this before with other childcare children and it works like a charm. Hopefully it will help with him also, because he is seriously, no kidding, I might check into a lunny bin, driving me CrAzY!

A part of me wants to start asking him childishly, "why, why, why..." every time he talk, just to see how he likes it. With him though it would just be adding fuel to the fire, upping the anty, daring him to take it one step further, and I would lose. No doubt about that.

Just so you don't think I am complaining about nothing, it's not your average run of the mill whys, it's intense people, over the top, never ending whys. Run on sentence whys. The kind of whys that make you think your singing that song, the one that goes like this...

"This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing where it goes, and they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend..."

Remember that one? Yeah, well that's the theme song around here, "This is the whys that never end, yes they go on and on my friends..."

"It's nice out today, we should go to the park." "Why." "Because it's sunny." "Why." "There's less clouds today." "Why." "Bubu can you please just get your shoes on" "Why" "So we can go to the park." "Why." You get the picture. The conversations get pretty funny sometimes, and I would laugh about it, if it weren't happening to me.

"Luna ate poop, Ms Riah"

In keeping with the current theme, this was my playroom yesterday after watching six kids ALL day. Don't you wish you were me? This picture doesn't even really show the total wreckage, it was INSANE! Five boys and One girl for the majority of the day, Yikes! I had such a crazy day. I knew I was interviewing a parent that night, yesterday, and so I was preparing for that. I had been working on a new parent packet the night before and didn't get to my floors like I normally do. So yesterday morning my schedule was already thrown off when I had to make room in my super packed day to scrub my floors. First thing in the morning, I am on all fours, frantically scrubbing away, trying to get done before two very rowdy childcare boys showed up. I was almost done, having to stop and put Spike on the toilet at one point so that he could go poo (Yay). I welcomed the boys and was talking to the mom while drying up the floor when I hear this "Luna (our dog) ate Poop, Ms Riah, Luna ate poop" WHAT! Sure enough Spike decided that although he had already done his business on the toilet, he needed to totally and completely embarrass his mother right in front of a Childcare parent. Thankfully we have become good friends, and she know me fairly well, but still mortifying. Poop on him, on the rug, on the bouncy horse, even (and I'm baffled by this one still) on Tank, and one happy dog. Yuck...so I grab Spike, put him on the toilet, run back with a towel to place over the poo, grab Atty plunk him in the bathtub because he is at this point a ticking mobile poop bomb, turn on the water, run back out to grab the bouncy horse and throwing it in the laundry room, snatching the carpet cleaner up and place it in the playroom, rush back in the bathroom to put Spike in the bath and turn off the water. All in front of the parent who is watching my every move of course. Scrub, drain, spray boys off with the shower head, dry and run back out to the playroom to activate carpet cleaner. Thankfully the mom had left by this point so I don't have to hear any more stories about how her kids never pooed anywhere but in the toilet, and yadda, yadda, yadda, bla, bla, bla while I'm breaking a sweat trying to get every thing back to normal (what ever that is). Oh the joys of childcare. So deep breath, poop catastrophe behind me, back to getting the house in order in preparation for the prospective Childcare family. Not that my house isn't already clean or what ever, it's just that I am sort of a freak about every thing being in order when people come over (I think that was made obvious in my last post) and it makes it even more so when I am interviewing a Childcare parent. I had a packed day though, with activities, lots of kids, preschool, etc to do, on top of wanting my house to look nice when they showed up at six that night. I cleaned though nap time which is usually my break time if I am lucky. So fast forward to the picture of the disaster formally known as the playroom, and yeah...it was a crazy day. I made it though, house was spotless (at least what they could see) and the interview went well. The boys were really well behaved, which was a miracle in it's own right, they are usually very burnt out by closing time, so I was proud of them. Interviewing parents is my least favorite part, I can't wait until I am set with my group of kids, and things get back to the way it was before we moved, sort of all settled in. You know what's funny, when I am interviewing a family, I am more focus on what kind of a parent I am dealing with the their kid. The type of parent or person they are really is the secret ingredient to a successful Childcare for me. So far I have always ended up with the best group of parents and kids. I have heard horror stories from other childcare providers, so I feel really lucky. I still haven't made up my mind about this family, and I have to do the call back today. A few things left to mull over. Well see. I also got another call so if I take in both kids, I will have a full house, which will make a Huge difference in income. Very needed, since my husband is laid off at this very moment, yuck, that just made my stomach turn, just typing that, worse then cleaning up poo.

Dare

So I tried to avoid this one I really did, but Mama from It's Me called me out. She basically dared me. Since she was my first BFF she's known me the longest and I'm sure she knows that I can't resist a dare. Uuuuggggg...so here goes.

(A couple hours later...gulp.)

The deal is you have to stop what you are doing and go take pictures of your house. Just the way it is, and show The Whole World, or at least the poor fools that read your blog. You have to post them right then and there before you loose your nerve and your rational brain takes over. The brain that reminds you that you don't even like it when people stop by unannounced, because you like to be prepared, and spotless (which takes a concentrated effort around here, and only lasts a moment). I HATE it when people see my house when it's a mess, as in I might cry about it after you leave. The thing is I clean my house multiple times a day, and rarely have anything to show for it. It's a never ending struggle.

Any ways I mistakenly thought that since I had tagged the person who tagged the other person, who added this horrible dare (thank you Megan at The Gardener's!), that I would be excluded. I guess I was wrong. The thing is my friend, Ms Perfect, doesn't have to worry about this one because she has apparently developed into an obsessive compulsive cleaner (and isn't running a daycare in here home *ahem*). Her house is beautiful, and clean, and looks pretty much like it's out of a magazine. I on the other hand, live in a Zoo. For real. I think I just spotted some Monkey's, oh yes and there goes a Tiger, yikes!

So yesterday when I discovered I wasn't getting out of this one, I grabbed my camera, but the batteries were dead. Seriously, no kidding. So to be fair I took pictures today at the same time of the day that I was initially going to do this thing. One of the worse times of my day. Right after lunch...dun, dun, dunnnn....it's scary people! Thankfully the playroom is clean because I make the kids clean up before I feed them, I'm mean like that. I changed my mind though and just for fun, cause I am loving this so much, I decided to take a before and after picture of the playroom. If I am going to do this I might as well go all out. I also decided to end with a picture of the lovely pile of laundry that is waiting for me in the laundry room, it never ends! That's how it goes when you live in a house full of boys, laundry up to my eyeballs!

Oh and I will never in a million years post a picture of our master bedroom, never, there just isn't a dare big enough.

Our lovely bathroom, surprisingly enough there is no toilet paper all over the floor, Spike is slacking today!

The boys room, all three share one room, it's no easy feat. My hubby made the bunk bed, love it!

Another shot of their room, haven't had a chance to paint the walls in their room yet, but when I do it's going to be some shade of green. Hubby made the wood dresser, it was originally a changing table, but no need any more, so now I use the top for books. I know it looks like I am just taking pictures of the corners of their room, but it's just that it's sort of a small room with lots of stuff in it, so I couldn't get a very good shot.

Playroom during playtime, see those cardboard blocks all over the floor, ya, I hate those things. The babies favorite thing to do is fling them all off the shelf, and then walk away, urg!

Clean up if you want to eat! Notice Bubu trying to sneak into the picture.

The living room, they aren't allowed to play out here, so it stays clean for the most part. It's still pretty empty, haven't completed it, got lots of ideas, not enough money.

This is what Spike looks like when I take to long to feed him his lunch.

Ahhhhh, least favorite place in the house right now. The kitchen wasn't finished when we bought the house, and my hubby won't be working on it probably until this summer. Until then I am going to go crazy, there is seriously No counter space! Or places to hid things, or any were to put the food. I am using an old changing table as shelves for food right now, I should have taken a picture of that, it's beautiful.

Dun, dun, dunnnnn....actually it wasn't as bad today as normal, go figure. I actually made porcupine meatballs for lunch, I got a really great recipe from Kat at Seeking Sanity-Thanks Kat! The kids loved them, which means less food ended up on the floor.

That being said, they didn't want to disappoint...

I knew I spotted a tiger! Bubu's laughing because I told him he should wash his face before he lays down for nap, apparently this is laughable.

And now I leave you with a lovely picture of all the dirty clothes in my laundry room. It multiplies like rabbits!

~

So if you were able to pay attention long enough to read this whole post...I DARE you, double dog dare, go ahead, chicken...just passing on the love.

Thank You Mayor of Whoville

So some time last week Bubu started calling his brother, Spike, a boob head. At first I thought he made this connection from seeing his brother nurse, get it, but then he turned to me yesterday and said this gem "Your such a boob mom." After I got over my initial shock I asked him "Where did you get this from, where did you hear this?" "From Horton, my Horton, Horton do that" he says. What?

Then sure enough I heard the boob reference this morning when he was watching his newest version of the Horton Hears a Who movie (for the one millionth time!). The mayor pleads for Horton to show the people of Whoville what a non-boob he is. Just one short sentence. Bubu picks up on the littlest stuff.

This morning he has told me a few times already that he is a boob now. "I am a boob" he tells me proudly. Good Grief...next it will be a perfect stranger at the grocery store, I can see it now. "Mom that man is such a boob" he will say, pointing his finger at some unsuspecting man and making the statement in a knowing and none to quiet voice at the exact moment that we are passing by the said man, well with in ear shot. I will then melt into a puddle of embarrassment, like I did when he use to shriek with excitement "Dada" at every man he saw. I remember all to well the little old lady at the grocery store looking at me with that "tisk, tisk" look because I had two little ones and a huge belly and wasn't wearing my wedding ring (because it didn't fit) and my child clearly didn't know who his father was. Oh the fun of it all...Thank you mayor of Whoville for giving my child one more thing to embarrass me with.

Tag your it

So I've been tagged by MGM at Momma's Gone Mad. Since I grew up in the stone ages and just started this blogging thing I was a little intimidated by being tagged, not to mention what the heck is a meme? Anyways regardless of my ignorance on said subject I think I have figured out the assignment. The instructions didn't quite make sense to me either.

Here are the instructions;

1. Go to your documents file.
2. Go to the sixth file.
3. Go to the sixth picture.
4. Blog about it.
5. Tag six friends to do the same.

So I went to my documents, but the sixth file is not a picture file, so I went to my picture file, then went to the sixth file in there and picked the sixth picture. Seemed close enough to me. So here goes. Assignments always make me nervous.

Yummy!

This picture is from this past May, right before Juicy baby's first birthday, when we were in the middle of moving to the new house. I was packing up the kitchen and both babies were unpacking, it was a lot of fun. Spike spied this pan and climbed right in. It was the perfect fit and I just had to snap a picture. I am always telling him he is juicy enough to eat so I guess he took me literally. Oh man I miss his baby face and all those rolls. My ovaries are crying out to me. Don't look to close at the chaos around him in this picture, we were moving after all and it was crazy! Three boys two and under with a weekend in which to move almost everything! Plus I ran my old daycare all the way up until the Friday before we moved. Aaahhhh, such pleasant and relaxing memories.

Anyways now I am suppose to tag six friends (do I have six friends?), so here goes.

1. Melody at Treasures Under The Willow Tree
2. Mama at It's Me...
3. smiles4you at My Life Interrupted
4. Lisa at I'm At Home
5. Anyone else who feels like participating
6. Um yeah, I don't have six friends, never was one to have a lot of friends ;)

Can't wait to see your picture finds! I just LoVE pictures.

Blackmail, eh?

I have a feeling there are going to be some very well behaved teenagers in this house...

*

I was going to put the video of them dancing on here, because it was absolutely adorable. Unfortunately right at the end when I turned the camera to Tank he was already stripped down to his birthday suit. Little stinker.

straight to the core

Last night I cradled my little sister, my only sister, in my arms while she cried, heart wrenching body shaking sobbing. All I could do was rock her and stroke her hair and comfort her. It broke my heart to see her this way, to not be able to do anything about it, not even know what to say to truly comfort her. She doesn't cry much in front of anyone, she's like me that way. Pretending like everything is fine when it's all falling apart. She had been trying so hard, hiding behind sad eyes, empty laughs, small chat. But it all became to much, and she crumbled. To see her so overwhelmed with raw emotion, so heart broken, so betrayed, it sent rage straight into the core of me. I hurt for her. Betrayed by her boyfriend of almost five years. A man that I never would have thought would treat her like this. Cheat on her, betray her trust. Lie. Lie. Lie. I can't believe that he went undetected by my slim-ball radar. I have excellent slim-ball radar, or so I thought.

I don't know how this ties into my life with boys, except that I am thankful that I have never in my life experienced such pain. I've been though a lot of other unthinkable things, I can relate to the deep throbbing pain of betrayal of trust, but never from my love. Never this, and so in the midst of this situation, while comforting my poor broken down sister and building her back up into the powerful women I am proud of, I am thinking of my man. How lucky I am to have him. How he has always made me feel wanted, beautiful, loved. I have never felt a need to be jealous, even when an obviously drop dead gorgeous women walks into the room, because he has always had eyes for me. Even at the times in my life when I have felt horrible about myself, when I know I was not something to be lusted after, he was there to reassure me in his quiet strong way that I was still beautiful in his eyes. I never truly felt beautiful until I met him. Never felt so wanted in all my life. So at this weird time, the most inappropriate of moments while my sister's world has been turned upside down, I can't help but feel really grateful for my hubby, knowing what it could be like. Seeing my poor sister's suffering. Feeling guilty for even thinking about what I have, while what she has right now is a painful mess. Feeling really grateful I am not in her situation, while at the same time wanting to take her place so she doesn't have to feel all this pain. I seem to always be in a state of conflicting emotions.

She is staying with me right now, and I will do all that I can to help her paste her life back together again. I will be her big sister, the one she can always run to. The one with arms to rock her when needed.

"You're driving me nuts!"

"Uggg, this is so annoying", "I'm so frustrated", "It's bothering me", "Urrrrggggg!"

"Would you like help with the play-doh Bubu?"

Being three is hard, very, very hard. Right now everything and everyone is driving Bubu crazy.
"You're driving me nuts" he will say with a sigh of annoyance. Where does he get this stuff from...it must be from his dad's side of the family.

"They tor-tur-ing me, ahhhhhh, urggggg, they tor-tur-ing me!" Followed by ear splitting screams and pitiful wailing. Telling him that his brothers touching him is not torture means nothing to him. "Your so annoying" is his new favorite phrase.

And talk about bossy! OMGoodness, he is constantly on rules patrol. He was bossing the babies around last night and I asked him to stop bossing, told him yet again he is not the boss. He looks at me all annoyed and says "You boss them". I tell him I will take care of it, talk to the babies and turn to leave and the little stinker tells me "No you Boss them MoM!" Apparently I didn't tell them off well enough.

He actually turned to me the other day and said "I'm sassing you mom". What the...

He falls apart about everything, and I mean everything. A sobbing pile of child done wrong. His world just falls apart if his underwear happen to be inside out when I ask him to put them on. Oh and telling him that he has to stay dressed, that he is to old now to run around nude all day, has been for a while, that alone can send him into a tizzy. Modesty means nothing to him. The boys Hates to be dressed, always has. I have had to take all the tags out of his clothes and everything just to try and appease the naked monster. Every little thing about being clothed drives him crazy and he then feels the need to follow me around the house telling me about it. "it's to tight", "it's to itchy", and of course the good stand by, "it's annoying me".

I know everyone talks about the terrible twos, but my little angel, turned psycho child sailed through the two like a breeze. Little did I know at the time he was saving it all up to surprise me with later. What a sweet little boy, he knows how much I like surprises.

~brain swirling indecisiveness~

So I drank coffee in the afternoon yesterday, which I totally know I shouldn't do, but I have a crazy amount of filing and clutter removing that I must address and I was running on empty. I drank one cup and was up late into the night my brain going a mile a minute. I didn't manage to finish the filing and such, but I did manage to add to the lovely black bags under my eyes. Urrrggg...

While I was up with my brain swirling I started obsessing again on this,

should I or should I not have one more kid.

I argue with my own self in my head. One minute I am sure I want one more, and the next minute I am asking myself, "am I insane?" why would I want to start the whole baby thing over again right when things are starting to settle down a bit. Plus the finances are stranded as it is, and one more kid means one less daycare kid, which in turn means less income.

I know all the realistic reasons why we shouldn't have one more, but I still can't say with certain positivity that I want to be done. That three is final. I just can't do it.

I don't know if it's because moving on from the baby stage and watching them grow up makes me feel old, or because I sort of want to try for a girl, but I just can't find peace on the subject.

There is also the whole birth thing I get stuck on. Even if I didn't have any other hang ups, and everything lined up in perfect order, both pregnancy's were hard on me and getting them out was no easy task. I don't know if I want to go through that again quite honestly. I have big babies and when I say big I mean almost 11 pounds kind of big. Bubu ended up as a C-section because he was big and breach. He was my 10 lbs 10.5 ounces baby. For me the C-section was a horrible experience. I am glad the option was there, but it was heart breaking for me. Spike was a natural birth, which was beautiful, but ouch! He was also big, 10 lbs 3 ounces, and it was no easy task getting him out. Lets just say 15 stitches and a lot of blood. It was empowering and I am glad I did it, wouldn't have it any other way. Just not sure I want to do it again.

Then there is the whole trying for a girl thing. Mostly the only reason I don't feel done is because a part of me feels like I want to know what the whole mother/daughter thing is about. I didn't have a close relationship with my mom growing up because of life situations, and I crave having that with my own daughter. I find my self wondering what a little girl of ours would look like. Then I start thinking maybe I wouldn't do well with a daughter and that I should leave things the way they are.

I am so conflicted that I am driving myself and my husband crazy. A little over a month ago I walked up to my husband and announce after much thought that I had finally made up my mind and I was ready to try for one more. I really did think I had made up my mind. My husband agreed and that was that. Then on the drive home from visiting relatives on Christmas day I realized that my period was late, and out of the blue I said to him "If I am pregnant you are in so much trouble." He looked at me in bewilderment and said "women make up your mind!" Poor man he just can't figure me out. I can't figure myself out. One minute I am contemplating birth control, the next I am researching how to try for a girl.

I could go on and on about my reasons for and against, I have a million of them on both sides of the issue, but it all boils down to this eminence pressure I feel to make up my mind. If I am going to have one more I want to do it soon, Spike is already 19 months and I don't want the last one to be spaced why farther out then the rest. Right now the oldest and the youngest are only 20 months apart. Especially if it ends up being another boy (which I have a feeling it would be) I wouldn't want him to feel left out from the tight knit group that came before him.

I am also an obsessive planner, and I had planned on being done with the having babies thing by the time I was 30, which I am now, so I either need to be done or be pregnant before my 31st birthday in order to stick to the plan. Hubby and I want to be able to move on to the next phase in our lives, the after kids phase, when we are in our early 50's.

Lately though I can't make up my mind about any thing. My indecisiveness is driving me crazy. There is no way to be a good planner when you can't even make up your mind. Not just about the big things, but about everything!

So today I am tired, and brain numb, and still indecisive.


*Yuck, I just reread my post and I am more annoyed with myself then ever!*

Baby steps into the New Year

2009 here we come!

So things are off to a great start I must say.

After two horribly long weeks of no hot water my hubby managed to save the day and get the year kicked off in the right direction. It's a lot easier to be positive when squeaky clean! We almost got into to it over whether or not to call a professional. Sometimes that's all I have to do, utter the unthinkable and it gives him the inspiration, the initiative needed to get the job done. He acts as if my want to call a professional some how makes me a traitor. Apparently he feels as if he must be able to fix everything and know all guy trivia, or it makes him less of a man. I just don't get it. He was seriously wounded that I would even suggest calling a professional technician, how could I even think such a thing? I am thankful that he is such a Jack of all trades, but some times I just wish we could get some one in to fix the problem in a timely manner. Instead of waiting while hubby muddles through it until he figures it out, or as sometimes happens, makes a huge mess of it before admitting it really is out of his hands. All and all it's done and over with and now hot water is once again flowing out of my taps!

So number one, hot water for the New Year. Number two my littlest used the potty all day yesterday. What a great way to start out the New Year. Only a parent can understand the true elation you feel when your child starts using the toilet on a regular basis. I see a glimmer of hope! Ahhhhh...

I don't really do New Years resolutions but I did set some goals and this is my catch phrase for the year ahead, I came up with it while taking a delicious hot bath yesterday. "I will rededicate myself to this mission that God assigned me when he blessed me with these children." I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone else, but it makes sense in my own head. So to start that out I am going to reread some great parenting and child development books and become inspired again. Get out of this slump, pull myself up to where I can get some fresh air and a new perspective. Of course right when I got out of the bath and started taking down Christmas decorations, the boys were getting into everything and I got my first test of the New Year. I flunked. Oh well. Baby steps, I did catch myself, and change my approach in the end. So on second thought I am going to give myself an A for effort. If any one else is interested I am going to put a list of my favorite parenting related book on here, the ones that I am going to reread. If you have a favorite let me know what one it is, I would love to read some new ones too.

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen

Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by H. Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelsen

Parents Please Don't Sit On Your Kids by Clare Cherry (isn't that such a funny title)

Raising a Thinking Child by Myrna Shure

Raising Kids with Character by Elizabeth Berger

The title of this book always annoyed me, It's Not That Complicated by Doug Peine, but it is actually a good read.

Anyways I have lots more favorites, but I'll stop there. It's not as easy to read now days with all the constant distractions.

Actually there is one more book that's worth mentioning, for moms with boys, called Raising Boys. It's a really fantastic read, but I can remember the authors name.

Okay so now I really will stop. I love reading can you tell? I just need to put into practice this year what I read.

So goals set, catch phrase repeated in head when needed, I am set. Using baby steps, New Year here I come!

No bed times for all!

We know how to party! Ha, ha...So on New Year's Eve I told the boys that this was the one night of the year were they had no bed time. I told them that instead of mommy trying to get them to go to sleep I would be doing everything I could to keep them awake, and boy did I! Normally they torment me with their wakeful rebellion, this time it was Mommy's turn. Truthfully it's a lot of fun. It was just us this year, we watched a family movie together and spent time being silly and snuggling. My hubby kept trying to fall asleep from the very beginning of the night, so we kept tackling him. Bubu took a turn with the camera and got some really great shots, meaning he actually got faces in the frame for the most part. He took this silly picture,

and this one also, I was really impressed.

My snugly boys, getting a little blurry eyed.

Tank still wide awake, I could see at this point he was keeping me to my word. Testing me like always. Seeing just how far I was willing to go with this whole "no bed time" thing.

My hubby trying to sleep again...

I'm thinking that all the boys thought the no bed time thing was an awesome idea, until they realized there really was no end in sight. This is what it looks like when you tell a desperate child that there will be no bed time tonight.

Which is exactly what I look like when they won't let me go to sleep cause they want to stay up well past their bedtime. Revenge? Maybe...

Here hubby and Bubu are trying desperately to pretend they are sleeping so I will leave them alone, no such luck.

First one out, Spike. I guess I should say first child, because hubby was long gone is snooze land, although he would rouse himself every once in a while to say that he was only resting his eyes.

Second one out Bubu. He actually got up off the couch to get away from me and next thing I know he's camped out on the carpet fast asleep. Little sneak.

Guess who was the only one to make it until midnight with me? Yep, Tank, he was still rocking it at midnight. The child is wild.

So to celebrate the New Year we shared some sparkling cider, just the two of us, yummy! Finally I relinquished my hard fast no bed time on New Year's Eve rule, and put the wild partier to bed. I am no match for Tank, he is the ultimate in rule testing! I think his eyes closed the moment his head hit the pillow, no struggle tonight! In fact I think he might have thanked me.

So sweet.

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Oh, and this morning Spike woke up at 6:30 in the morning, so much for the whole keep 'um up all night and they will sleep in theory.

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Happy New Year to everyone!