Friday, October 31, 2008

Letter to "Mayzie"

Dear Mayzie,

I took care of Your child for over six years, with out so much as a thank you, so you could go play. Faithfully I nurtured your child, carefully, tenderly and gently I watched over him. At times is wasn't much fun, and the older he got, the angrier he got, and he took it all out on me, because I was and am unconditionally faithful to him. I volunteered in his classrooms year after year, struggled with him over homework, taught him a love for books, and worked to instill a set of positive values in him, the difference between right and wrong. When he showed interested in basketball we paid for it, and took him to practice, went to all of his games, when he showed interest in playing the saxophone, we paid for it and went to all his concerts. We supported him, held him accountable for his actions. I took my responsibility seriously, the responsibility of raising Your child.

"Sighed Mayzie, a lazy bird hatching an egg: "I'm tired and I'm bored and I've kinks in my leg from sitting, just sitting here day after day. It's work! How I hate it! I'd much rather play! I'd take a vacation, fly off for a rest if I could find someone to stay on my nest! If I could find someone, I'd fly away-free..."

We raised him with out an ounce of financial support from you. We took him in, or maybe I should say, you dropped him off without notice at our door step (with his then teenage sister and huge dog), and we did not question for a moment keeping him with us and protecting him. Even though we were young and not even contemplating children of our own at the time. You never supported us ever in raising Your kid, in fact you filled his head with lies. You told him we took him and decided to raise him, acted as if you had nothing to do with it, put the blame on us, just like you do with everything, blame someone else. You encouraged him to be disrespectful to me, talked bad about me to him and in front of him. You were openly disrespectful to me, in my home many times, with him standing right there. When he would come home from visiting you it would take days to get the "real boy" back. After a few years, you decided to become the weekend parent, still a deadbeat if you ask me, and he started to put you on a pedestal, because you were now the fun one. I was the one enforcing homework and respectful behavior. Teaching discipline and morals. Dealing with the multiple calls a week from his school about his behaviour, one parent teacher conference after another. Advocating for him while not make any excuses for his behavior. I cried many times at night for him, because I knew he was acting out the anger he felt inside, of being abandoned by you. I had to face the fact that no matter how much I loved him, I wasn't his mom, and he just really wanted you. I couldn't blame him for that. Even though I know what kind of a person you really are. How horribly you treated him the first seven years of his life, it is a faded, barely audible memory for him. It hurt me deeply to see our relationship deteriorate as he got older and harder to deal with. All the hate he would direct towards me at times, I wanted to scream, "why are you taking it out on me?" But I knew why, because I, unlike you, have been there for him since the day he was born. There is safety in that.

"I meant what I said and I said what I elephant's faithful one hundred per cent!"

Even though he started resenting living with us I faithfully pushed forward, doing what you had left us to do. The regular every day stuff of raising a child. We often had to rush from Monday to Friday in a blur, just to have him go spend the weekend being brainwashed by you, and being allowed to do what ever he wanted, a two day free for all, then crash, back to reality. Rarely getting to do anything fun with him because you started taking him on all weekends, holidays and most school breaks. Fun, fun, fun, for you, didn't want to dirty your hands doing the actually work of parenting. I admit my hatred for you has grown, I try hard to pretend that it's not there, even attempt to be civil to you for the sake of family, but I can't stand the very sight of you, your voice makes my heart race, my head hurt. As I have sat here raising your child, losing sleep, putting my all in to it, you have been out partying, having a grand time, living like you have no responsibilities, living in a dream world were every body owes you something.

"And, dawdling along way up high in the sky, who (of all people!) should chance to fly by but that old good-for-nothing bird, runaway Mayzie! Still on vacation and still just as lazy."

Now you have decide after 6 1/2 years that you want to be a "mom" again. I am assuming this is mainly due to the fact the you have no man in your life right now, and because he is old enough to take care of the day to day basics on his own.

" 'But it's MINE' screamed the bird, when she heard the egg crack. (the work was all done. Now she wanted it back.) 'It's My egg!' she sputtered. 'you stole it from me! Get off of my nest and get out of my tree!'
Poor Horton backed down with a sad, heavy heart..."

You take him back. Just like that. In our lives then, poof, gone. No notice, once again. I tell you some different things that I have figured out about Jacob and what needs to happen concerning school and such, you tell me you know your son better then I do, and that you aren't going to have the same problems with Jacob, insinuating that he gets his negative behaviors from being raised by me, that he won't act this way with you. You know how to parent.

Then you call me the other day, because the "honeymoon" period is over, and school is in full swing again, to complain about the way Jacob is behaving, and to tell me that although we have not seen him in months, he probably won't be able to come visit us, because of his behavior. Even though I miss him with every fiber of my being, I support you in this, because I always wanted you to support me in my parental decisions. Which seems to disappoint you, I think you just wanted an argument, wanted to hear the hurt in my voice. I won't give that to you. I do ask you to consider if this will help repair your relationship with him or hinder it, which you only get offended by. You went on to complain about the very things you scoffed at when I tried to talk about them to you, and to complain that he argues his point with you, has a voice, has a brain, stands up for himself, all things I admire (although admit are frustrating at times) and you can't stand. You tell me he is talking in a baby voice to you and you are going to put an end to it, I tell you that I think he is just working out some hurt, and you act all offended that I would say such a thing, as if you didn't abandon your child for years upon years. As if you didn't reject him even as a baby. As if you haven't always put your need above the very most basic needs of your children. You are, and I know now you always will be, in denial. You have created enormous amounts of pain for all three of your children, but admitting that would mean you would have to take a long hard look at what kind of a person you are, and you don't want to do that.

"But at that very instant, the egg burst apart! And out of the pieces of red and white shell, from the egg that he'd sat on so long and so well, Horton the Elephant saw something whizz! It had ears and a tail and a trunk just like his!"

He achieved more while living with us then your other two children were able to achieve living with you, much more. He is an amazing child. Brilliant. Deserving of a better mother then you. You want to blame all his issues on me, but you refuse to acknowledge the positive attributes that were instilled in him by me. He is a lot like me now, the good and the bad, and I know you can't stand that.

I hope that what I worked so hard to teach him will stick with him, during these next years with you and I hope, I dearly hope that he will come out an Elephant-bird.

"And it should be, it should be, it SHOULD be like that! Because Horton was faithful! He sat and he sat! He meant what he said and he said what he meant..."

So when you look at him now and you see an elephant with wings, don't be bitter, you left him for me to faithfully care for 100%.


*I'm sorry this is so long, I almost didn't publish is after typing it up, but I have been thinking about this a lot since he stopped living with us, and I am hurting, sad, insulted and angry and really needed to vent. I cried the whole time I typed this thing, cause I'm sappy like that. Horton Hatches an Egg happens to be my oldest sons favorite story right now, and I can't help relate it to Her and raising Her son, every time I read it. Bubu is often puzzled when he looks up and sees tears in my eyes, after reading him this story. I'm afraid he thinks his mommy is loosing her marbles! Unfortunately it isn't the first time and it won't be the last time he sees his mom cry over something seemingly strange.


Mama said...

Wow. That is quite a letter. I am sorry to hear how things have worked out with him. That has to be so hard on you. I am sure he will always know deep down that you love him and will always be there for him. It just may take him awhile to come around. Thanks for sharing.

Kiki said...

This letter broke my unfair that you raised him and now he's off with his mom, who seems to be so ungrateful to you for all you've done for her child...I'm sure deep down he knows that you will forever love him and that you will always be there for him.