Monday, November 16, 2009

I just miss him, always will.

I miss this boy so bad it hurts.I've written before about why he means so much to me, if you want to read about it go here. So much has happened since that post. He lived with his mom for about a year and then she got sick with cancer and died soon after. Now he is living with his sister, she wanted it that way, and my hubby felt it was best, but I have a lot of mixed emotions about the whole thing. I mean I've loved him since birth, I raised him for almost seven years, he was my first baby, I've felt like a piece of the puzzle is missing ever since he's been gone. For some reason the holidays are the worse, I've cried a few times already and I know it's just going to get worse as Christmas gets closer. We went to visit them last weekend, it's about two hours away and we just don't see them enough because of it. He saw his new niece for the first time. He was so sweet to her, it brought tears to my eyes. The boys were so happy to see him, they miss him all the time. He towers over me now, the same boy who's diapers I changed years and years ago. I snuggled into his body instead of him into mine. I hugged him over and over again, and he let me, which is not his normal teenage self. He told me he loved me and missed me quite a few times and it warmed my heart every time he said it. I cried on the way home, I think I always will when ever I am driving away from him. Cause every mile seems so harsh.

4 comments:

The Mom said...

No witty remarks here. I am so sorry that you have to struggle with this.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry....I can't imagine. You have done a great thing for him though. And it sounds like he will never forget. Your constant love WILL make a huge difference in his life. Good job. :)

MGM said...

Sounds pretty bittersweet. I'm sure what he has gained from his relationship with you is well worth the loss you are feeling. HUGS!

Brittany said...

I can relate in terms of leaving Aidyn with his father. I'm so happy we are no longer doing two months on, two months off. I swear it was as if I was leaving a piece of me, behind. I felt as if I wasn't "whole" whenever we were apart! I"m sure thats how you feel as well.

Im so glad you got to see him, and that you were both able to share how much you love each other!