Wednesday, April 8, 2009

What a mess...

So the last few days have been overwhelming to say the least.

On Saturday I picked up J from visiting with his sister on spring break. The situation at his mom's house has been going from bad to worse, especially now that she is so sick. It has gotten to the point were he is having to endure continuous verbal abuse and neglect. He has all F in school, has recently been suspended, was with friends that were stealing and on and on and on. It's just an all around bad situation for him. So we felt he should come back and live with us. He had been with us for 6 1/2 years before going back to live with her last June. Half of his life time. I was raising him longer then I have been raising my own boys. We thought she understood and that she would let it happen. We were hoping that there was one little part of her that wasn't selfish and would understand that J living with her was not in his best interest. Instead she stopped answering the phone when my husband called and then on Monday with out saying anything to us first she called the school he was going to there and told them that we took J with out her permission. So I, still oblivious to all this, signed him up at school here, got him all set, talked to the counselor about the fact that he had previously been diagnosed with Aspergers while living with us (something his mom refuses to acknowledge.) and we left. I had some errands to run and then when I got home I had a message from the school here that there was a question about guardianship. We happen to have an open agreement, notarized between his mother and Ryder and I giving us the ability to make decisions regarding school, medical and such from before. So the school here didn't know what to do. Then my mom called and told me that J's mom called her and wasn't making much sense (she is on HIGH doses of pain meds.) and that she was saying we didn't tell her we were taking J (not true) that we had never talked to her about it (so not true) and that she had called the police. What! Keep in mind she was not answering the phone when we called or calling us, just everyone else. So then I really started to stress out, and ended up with the worse migraine headache ever. Ryder ended up driving all the way to her place over an 1 1/2 hours away after working a ten, just to try and figure out what was going on. She apparently has changed her mind, and he didn't get anywhere with her when he was trying to explain why J shouldn't be there. She just wouldn't listen. So Tuesday I wasn't able to get his school totally figured out, they were still consulting their legal team. I tried to figure out our legal options, but the only thing I could do was file a report about the abuse and neglect with the State. Apparently if a case worker gets involved then he might be able to be place with us as a relative placement, but there wasn't anyway to get a relative placement order with out doing that step first. Last night we had to make the tough decision to send him back with his mom, because he couldn't miss any more school and I couldn't determine how long it was going to take to get him set up over here. The point of him coming here was to do what was in the best interest of J, and it is not in his best interest to miss any more school. It was so hard to let him go, knowing what he will be going through again. He is so sensitive too, although he tries so hard to hide it. I told him not to internalize what she is saying to him, and to stay strong. I let him know that I will always do what I can to take care of him and protect him and I will always be here for him. That he can always call me at any time. When he was leaving I gave him a big hug and told him that I love him more then life it's self, and he said "Hey that's what you wrote on my blanket (which he sleeps with every night, even brought it with him here) and I could barely choke back the tears when I told him to keep sleeping with that blanket and always remember those words. This situation is tearing me apart, and I feel so inadequate and unable to do right by him. Yesterday my mom reminded me that I have to let go and leave it in Gods hands, and I know that, but it's so hard.

1 comment:

Brittany said...

*sending you BIG hugs!*

Wow, stay strong. That boy needs your prayers and love more then ever. God is a good and true God. He wants the best for your situation. Sometimes we dont always understand why things are the way they are, but believe me, that even if we cant see it (or him) he is always there, and has you both in his hands!

Best wishes, and all my prayers,