Who ran to help me when I fell,
and would some pretty story tell,
or kiss the place and make it well?
Ann Taylor Becoming Atty's mother was a long emotional road for me. I didn't just receive that title because I carried him in my tummy...I didn't carry him in my tummy. I didn't receive that title when he was put in my arms at six days old. I was called his temporary emergency care relative by the State, otherwise known as his Aunt. I stayed his Aunt for months and months and months. As my love grew and I knew I would fall apart if he was taken from me I was still not his mother. We bonded, I cared for him as only a mother can, but I still was not his mother. I grew more and more possessive still knowing that at any moment the State could come and take him away from me. As my love grew into something absolutely undeniable, something they could not take away from me I secretly started to call myself his mother...but never out loud. Do you know who gave me the title of Mother? He did. That's the way it should be and that's the way it was. One day he just started saying mama to me and that was it. No more "Aunties here baby" it was finally Mommy... mama, mama, mama from then on. I didn't care if it bothered others. Or that there was still a possibility that he wouldn't be staying with us forever. I was his mom, he picked me and that was that. It is hard to be someones mother but not. It's hard to love and care for a child that his birth parents want but can't have. Especially when dealing with family. It was hard to call my mom's house and have my brother's broken voice answer the phone. It was hard to be accused by them of stealing their child when I was just trying to keep him in the family and not in foster care. It was hard, is hard. They get no closure to this. I at least know that in two days on July 2nd I will officially have the title of Mommy, he will legally be my son and I will not have to worry daily about my baby, who grew in my heart, being taken away from me. It will be bittersweet, but sweet nonetheless.
For you see, each day I love you more.
Today more then yesterday and less then tomorrow.