Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Swollen eyes and heavy limbs.

It's one of those times in life for me. One of those rough spots. I'm being slammed from the left and then the right and then sucker punched.

I wrote a post a while ago about all the different things that were trying to drag me down, I'm not going to link to it or anything, who really wants to read about all that... but if you did none of that has changed yet. None. Of. It. Plus last week I found out that the one and only full time daycare kid I had right now isn't going to be coming anymore, because her dad got laid off. They were devastated about it and so am I. Childcare is hard for many reasons but one of the biggest for me is how attached I get to the kids. She had been a part of our lives for almost two years now and it's so hard to think of her not being here. I haven't even talked to my kids about it yet because I'm afraid I'll start to cry. She is such a funny girl, so spunky and loving. A little red head. She would tell me every morning "Ms Riah I missed you, I love you." Isn't that the cutest? I hope that her dad will go back to work soon or find another job, because I don't want this to be a permanent thing. I do have another baby starting in May. Such a blessing, not quite a light at the end of the tunnel for me right now but I am excited about it. I have met with them twice now and feel really good about it. He is adorable, such a tiny baby. He was four weeks early so right now at five weeks old he only weighs around eight pounds. To me that's tiny being as my babies were around the ten pound mark at birth! They stopped by yesterday because I am loaning the mom my mobby wrap and we had another nice talk. I do thank God that I have always ended up with such wonderful parents to work with, and it looks like it's happened again. I was hoping to increase my income with the addition of another daycare kid, but at least I know we will be back to the old base line when he starts and that is better then nothing for sure.

I really have been trying so hard to focus on the positive, but I do feel like I'm in a nasty boxing match were my opponent is playing dirty and I have no chance at winning but I stubbornly get back up again. I feel like the only reason I keep dragging my bruised body up again and again is because I see my kids cheering for me on the side lines, waiting for me to hurry up and win. Because in there eyes I can do anything. And so I keep going with swollen eyes and heavy limbs determined to win for them.


A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

You know, I read your post and felt sad. But then I looked down at those pictures of you and that baby eating each other up. That's what you need to do. Right now. Or send her to me.

Marlea said...

You are the strongest woman I know. You always have been. Keep your hands up and keep trying to block those punches, thats about all you can do right now.
And you have more than your adorable kids cheering you on!!!

Riahli said...

You're right I do need to go snuggle my girl...and my adorable boys, and I have been because that is seriously what keeps me going. We have been taking it easy and they probably have very little idea that mommy is feeling so blue. I'm a great pretender. ;)

Thanks Marlea, that means a lot coming from you.