Monday, July 20, 2009

No more suffering

My husband's mother passed away this weekend on Saturday after a battle with cancer. He was there, and is thankful for that. His sister and brother were coming up to visit her because it did look like she wasn't going to make it much longer, but we all didn't realize how little time was left. They didn't make it. I got back from picking up Bubu at the same time that his sister and J got to our house. My hubby was home and I assumed he came to meet them and take them to their mom. We all went inside and were chatting to each other and then my husband asked the little ones to go outside and play because he needed to talk to us, and my heart sank. He just came right out and told us that their mom had passed away that morning, and poor J just said "no" and went stone cold. Frozen and unresponsive, wouldn't say another word. We all sat and listened to hubby and then talked some and we all took turns telling J how much we loved him and such. I'm so worried about him. My husband is broken up but he knows that she is in a better place now and no longer suffering, plus he is an adult. J is only fourteen. He now has no father that he knows of and no mother. He never had much of a relationship with her in the first place, and he had just moved back in with her, after almost seven years of living with us, when she got sick. After my hubby left to go back to the nursing home and take care of things, his sister and J stayed behind. J started talking again, about other things and eventually you wouldn't even have been able to tell that anything had happened. I went along with it because I know him and I knew not to push anything. His sister left later and he is staying with us until the memorial. He remain unemotional the rest of that night and yesterday. Then last night, late, late into the night I heard him crying. Hard. Although it saddened me to hear his hurt I also felt relieved. He needed to let it out. I let it go for a while, because I knew he would go back into himself if we went in there, but I also didn't want him to feel alone. So when he started to sound more angry and repetitive I told my hubby to go in there and comfort him. I am so worried for my boys. My hubby and my first baby. They are both so sensitive although they try so hard to hide it. I truly don't know how to comfort them, I feel unsure of the right words. I just desperately want to be able to support them through this, I hope that J can feel that I will always be there for him and although I am not his mom, he is my baby. Always and forever.


Kat said...

I am so sorry. Even though you know she is at peace now it is still such a difficult thing to deal with. Such a loss. And for J, being so young. Man. That is really tough.
It is really good that he got his feelings out. I think there will be a lot more where that came from. Thank goodness he got to live with her again for a little while before she passed. I hope there was some healing there. Just try and let him know that anger and sadness and really any emotion is healthy and normal. And definitely let him know he can count on you, as I'm sure you have.
Where will he live now? Does he know? That may also be a big stressor on the poor kid.

My prayers are with you, your hubby, J and your whole family.

Riahli said...

Kat-He had already moved in with his sister prior to this. His mother had been in a nursing home for months before this happened so we had already figured out the new living arrangements for J. It was still yet again a change and a move for him though so he was already struggling with this before she passed away. He knows he can live with us if need be, but for now we are thinking that it will work out better for him to live with his sister this time around.

Thank you for your prayers.

Mama said...

I am so sorry to hear that she passed. Its never easy, no matter what their feelings are for her, she was still their mom and the only parent any of them have known.
Just be loving and kind. Let them know your there for them no matter what. Try not to let their anger hurt you, even when they direct it at you, because they will.
Hang in there!

MGM said...

So sorry to hear about this hard time! So hard to know the words to say. You're in my thoughts and prayers.