~no words~

A little too adventurous

I've always taught my kids to be food adventurers. The rule in our house is to try one bite at the very least. I'm always reminding them that their taste buds change and something they didn't like before they might like now. When you've never tried it you just don't know if you like it or not. And many other such phrases. Numerous times now my boys have come to realize how true this is. Bubu will often tell me how he didn't like something before but he tried it again and he likes it now. Unfortunately my kids have begun taking it a step to far, they are trying to turn the table on me I do believe. They are getting a little too adventurous. Their new favorite thing to do is to put some crazy combination of food together like bananas dipped in ketchup or a chunk of melon on nachos. "Watch this mom" one of them will say and chomp away with a mischievous look on their face and then "you want to try it mom, be a food adventurer". Then they sit and wait, with a smile. Oh yeah, they are that sly. And their combinations get worse by the day. It's an outright challenge I do believe. But I'm stubborn as they soon will learn, I wear big girl panties and I play for keeps. I will eat their foul combinations with a smile on my face and even throw in a yum for good measure. ;)

Why do I always feel like my kids are ten steps ahead of me {and laughing}?

Nothing but fluff

I always come up with great blog post ideas in my head while doing the dishes, or driving, or cleaning the house, etc...but then when I actually get a quiet moment to sit down an the computer my mind goes blank. So I guess I'll just ramble because I feel the need to write.

My first born son is turning five next week...ack! My baby girl is going to be one in October...double ack! She is already trying to walk! I went on a walk with the children yesterday and watched my boys running on ahead as I pushed my little girl in the stroller and my heart felt full to bursting. I love what they are becoming and what I see in them. All their different and some times amusing personalities. Parenting is so hard but so worth it when you see the results of all your hard work. {Hard when you are not seeing the results yet and are instead questioning yourself and your worth as a parent on a daily or hourly basis.} I want my baby girl to stay a baby and at the same time I can't wait to see her running around with her brothers. I am so ready to move on to the next stage that doesn't involve me having babies anymore. I've always been emotional about that before, not yet ready to move on. Makes me feel old, moving out of the baby stage. But I guess with a birthday looming around the corner now I feel old anyways and more then ready to watch {and help} them grow into capable adults. Plus I'm back to an even number again {we were going to stop at two} and I don't wait to screw that up...six kids would equal a mini bus and I doubt my ability to drive that thing safely... ;) And no I do not know why I feel the compulsory need to have an even amount of children, I've got quite a lot of weird quirks, maybe I'll share them some day. Then again...maybe not.

Atty has asked about his bio brother Evan a lot lately. When they first left every time someone would knock on the door he would say "brother Evan" and get all excited. Or he would stand at the window and say "brother Evan coming?" Heart breaking. A couple times he asked to go to brother Evan's house and when I told him we couldn't and why he would just get upset and start to fuss so now I just say something like that would be fun wouldn't it and change the subject. He responds to that better. We do hope to go visit them someday, but they do live two states away so it would be a major {and expensive} road trip for us. Maybe in a few years when all the kids are a bit older. I wish they lived closer and the boys could grow up seeing each other more often, but I am thankful that they get to stay in contact.

Spike, who is four month younger then Atty, has taken to being Atty's "big brother". It's funny and Atty doesn't seem to mind. On the walk yesterday Spike at one point was chasing after Atty telling him to hold his hand and then when Atty did he turned to me and said "I'm taking care of Atty mom" in a very grown up voice. It was cute. He's been taking his big brother responsibility with his sister very seriously as well. I guess he was tired of being the little brother. I'd have to say he makes a great big brother! His sister adores him. He does like to pester like a little brother though, he's a mischievous one my little Spike. And competitive. Very. I've heard that is often a little brother trait, always trying to prove you're as good or better then the bigger siblings.

Bubu is starting swimming lessons in September and he's so excited. We went to the Y to sign him up and he saw the pool and could hardly contain himself. He wants to be a life guard that saves people, too cute! Atty asked if there were any sharks in there, ha, ha! Ira made sure to let me know he wanted nothing to do with that pool. I don't know why he is so afraid of water, I truly don't...He was my only baby actually born in the water at my midwifes clinic and he's my only child afraid of water, hummmmmm...weird. It was a bit of a scary birth, but not because of the water and he wasn't too upset after he was born. I don't remember anything scary happening to him in water. He's always hated getting his hair washed though, oh my goodness if you didn't know any better you would think something unspeakable was happening to him when it comes time to wash his hair! Anyways I started this paragraph off with Bubu swimming and ended with Ira getting his hair washed, that is some serious rambling!

I've got plenty of other things to ramble on about but I'm pretty sure you've got to be bored out of your mind by now {if your even still reading} so I'll end it here. I keep wanting to write a post about some changes I've been trying to make in the way we are living and eating but I'm not sure where to start with that one or if I even want to go into it on here so I just keep running it around in my brain.

Distraction

Can you spot the most beautiful flower of all?Lala likes to garden with me.
Which basically means she likes to eat dirt.

And distract her momma with her cuteness so that nothing gets done.

Instead mommy spends the whole time snapping pictures.

How could I do anything else?

Besides the plants aren't hurting any...look at those Giant Sunflowers!

Rain drops are falling on my head...

It seems silly to post these now, seeing as it is currently pretty hot outside and not a drop of rain to see. But I find them to cute to not post, so there you go.

A new favorite around here is playing with chalk in the rain.

Even Lala wanted in on the action this time. She wants to do everything her brothers are doing..already!

She was so proud that she actually got her hands on some chalk.

The boys love playing in the rain, and they love coloring so this activity is a serious hit at our house.

It's a good thing they are Washingtonians through and through.

Everybody drawing together.

Rainy day cutie pie...

Sharing with her brother.

The best part of the day...Bubu wrote his first word all on his own with no prompting! I was so proud when he called me over to show me.

Then so daddy wouldn't feel left out he had me help him write this one. He did it on his own though while I showed him the letters.

Fun time spent in the rain playing with the kids. :)

Just in case you didn't know

...yes she's that cute...

I'm that mom...

Some of you are going to judge me after reading this post.

*

I understand but please keep it to yourself if you are because I am beat myself up enough as it is.

Last night we had to say goodbye to our family dog. I've been crying about it for the last couple days and well into this morning. She needed a new home and I know it's what is best for her but it was so hard all the same.

I feel like I failed her, and my kids. I'm the mom that got rid of the beloved family dog. That sucks.
I just couldn't do it any more, I'm not a super mom no matter how hard I try. It was already hard enough trying to take care of four kids, a daycare, a house and the dog, often all alone because my husband works All The Time...but then add in Atty's serious health issues and his Modified Atkins for Seizures diet on top of that and poor Luna just wasn't getting the care she deserved. Then she broke out in hives again this year and was scratching her back raw. Big nasty bald spots. My vet told me she has allergies and suggested I change her diet. And that was the tipping point. I simply don't have it in me to do one more specialized diet. And I know that sounds horrible. But I can't. She was miserable and I knew she couldn't go on as it was, so I called a pug rescue and the sweetest lady ever came out last night and took her home to foster her until they find her a permanent home. So we said good bye.

I talked to my boys about it, for days before it happened. In simple terms. How mommy just couldn't give Luna the care she deserves. How she needs more walks, and attention and care from me and I wasn't meeting her needs. I told them that her new family would be able to fix her so that she didn't itch so bad and wasn't so miserable. I didn't mention Atty's health issues because that's not the direct reason, it's my ability to cope with Atty's health issues as well as the dogs. I didn't want any blame to be placed any where but with me. And as always my children rolled along with the way things needed to be. They hugged her, and loved her and said good bye. They wished her happiness in her new home and not a tear was shed...except by me.

Silly rainy days

I Love This Girl!

River fun

When the sun {was} shining a little while back, I took my kids to the river for some fun in the sun...we brought along our Best Friends Forever and had a picnic. The kids had a blast. I was going to take my kids again this weekend...but of course it's raining yet again in the Pacific NW. My little sun bathing beauty.

My closest friend in the whole wide world, my sister by choice...and our daughters who are already great pals. :)


This little runt screamed and cried until I would set her down...and then she would try to eat the sand, over and over again...Uggggg! I would tell her "icky-blah!" and she would just look at me and smile. Keeping her on a blanket turned out to be a losing cause. Taking a crawler to a sandy beach...not so fun. (For me anyways, I think if you asked her she would say she had a blasted driving her mother crazy.)

I couldn't get a good picture of Banden because he was to busy following around his BFF! Those two are inseparable when they are around each other...he's known her since the day he was born. She is the honorary big sister for my kids, it is hilarious to hear her mothering them.
(Just so you know they are not actually playing in the main part of the river, if they were they would have life jackets on and an adult right by their side. They were playing in a little shallow inlet.)

This little sand monster...I have no words for this. Best game ever apparently.

And this little boy had a most wonderful time, so good to see. Last time we were down here he laid on a blanket in the sand and fussed and cried. He was having so many seizures I had to carry him down and he kept falling when he would try to get up and join his brother who were digging in the sand. He was wearing a helmet and drooling everywhere and I was trying to talk myself into being okay with the new direction our lives were going in. I had just been told he had intractable seizures. I was sad...but trying to be happy for the kids.

This time at the river I wasn't trying...I just was...Happy!

*I can believe how far he's come!*

~Yes indeed it was bitter sweet~

All together at last.I've been trying to find the words to express myself. I can't. The visit was beautiful and sad. It was overwhelming and brief. It was not enough...and to much. It filled my heart and left it aching. It made me smile and cry. It was as I thought bitter sweet. It was all these things and yet these words can't possibly describe what I felt during the visit. I feel like I can't even process it still. What I do know for sure is that seeing Atty with his bio brother together at last was a touching and beautiful thing...as well as sad beyond belief.
When Atty first saw him he just stopped and stared, suddenly shy. We have been talking about this visit for a while and I think the reality of it was a little much for him at first. But he warmed up fast and they were soon playing in the sandbox together. Sharing, showing each other things, working together, just like brothers do.

It was so sweet to watch. I tried to watch discretely, giving them space to get to know each other. It was hard not to snap non-stop pictures of them. As it is I took way to many...if that's possible.

They are so similar in looks and in behavior. It was amazing seeing these two acting so much the same way when they have been raise separately in two different families. Both his mother and I couldn't help marveling on all the similarities. They said some of the same phrase in the same way, moved in the same way, speech was similar, likes and dislikes along the same lines...it really makes you think about the whole nature verses nurture thing, environment verses genetic.

This photo touches me, two mothers raising brothers. Atty looked at this picture and said it perfectly..."Two Mommy's"...

We went to the zoo together on the second day and had a lot of fun. Here is a picture of Atty with his bio brother and family looking at the elephants. He really liked them and felt comfortable with them it was so sweet.

Saying goodbye was SO much harder then saying hello. It wasn't so much for me. I'm not sure how to explain myself on this. It broke my heart for Atty. It was so sweet seeing them together and watching them interact I just didn't want it to end, for him. I will of course miss him too, but we didn't really bond. I mean it was two very busy days and I didn't want to upset him by being to clingy or anything so I gave him his space. We interacted some and had fun together but I have to admit I didn't feel much of a connection, maybe because I was afraid to, because that would hurt to bad, I don't know. But what I did see was a connection to and a love for his brother from Atty and that, THAT, was hard to say goodbye too. I cried, on and off for the rest of the day and into the night. I really liked his parents too, especially his mom and I wish we had more time together then we did. I wish they lived closer instead of two states away!

My mom got to meet her grandson for the first time, this picture is so nice to see, both of the boys together with their Neenee.

Giving hugs as they depart. I saw a connection with these two and it was heart warming.

And now for the final good bye...for now. Until we meet again.

Love for a brother...and a friend.