Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Happy Birthday to Atty!

February 3rd 2007, I can hardly believe that two years has flown by this fast! So much has happened in his little life! In the first six days of life he left his birth parents in the hospital, spent a few days in a foster home, and then came to stay with us February 9th 2007.
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His birthday has mixed feelings for me, of course I am excited to celebrate another year with him and watch him grow. A little part of me is sad though. I am sad that I wasn't there when he was born, I don't share that first moment with him. I have no first born pictures, in fact I only have one picture of him on the day he was place with us, when he was six days old, and then no more pictures until he is almost two weeks old. I'm not sure why, I think everything was just to overwhelming. I worry that he will notice this when he is older.
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We didn't know when he was first placed with us that we would be adopting him. We were a temporary placement for him, while his parents tried to get him back, but they soon proved unable to care for him. So for me his birthday is bitter sweet. It's tinged with sadness for his birth parents that love him, but are unable to care for him. They will be calling today, and the sadness in there voices, no matter how hard I try not to hear it, is always there. I wish for them that things had been different, while I am thankful for us that things are the way they are. I wonder if his birthdays will always bring these mixed emotions for me.





When all is said and done though, he is my baby, he grew in my heart. I am his mother. I may not have been there when he was born but the night he was placed with us I stayed awake staring at him, breathing in his scent, holding him close to my body. Trying to breath healing into him, bond him to me. So he would know without a doubt that I was there for him. I would protect him, and he wouldn't be bounced around anywhere else, he was home.
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My birthday wish for him is that he always knows without a doubt how loved he is by everyone. By us, by his birth parents, his extended family, we all love him so much. Things are the way they are because that's the way they are suppose to be.
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It was meant to be.
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Happy birthday my love, my heart child.

2 comments:

Mama said...

Well my friend, you have done it again, I am all choked up reading your post. I love how you love that child. He will never doubt how much you love him, non of your children will.
Happy Birthday Atty!

smiles4u said...

Happy birthday to your precious boy! This is so beautiful. I can relate and understand so much of what you feel. Bless your heart and his...bless all of you...that his birth parents loved him, enough to have him be with people that love him like you and your husband do. You are right, things are how they are suppose to be!