Few words, many pictures... Merry Christmas!

What a wonderful holiday we've had! My husband and I ended up with some time off, and we put it to good use. :) We made Christmas tree pictures and added presents for all our family members. Atty decided to add an extra present under his tree for his brother in Montana... So sweet!
We are thankful that he has been able to stay in contact with is biological brother even though they were adopted in different states! Doesn't often happen.

Bubu sang Christmas songs up front at church. He was so brave and so adorable. Spike said he wanted to but then he got a little too scared and decided to sit and watch instead. But he did stay with his class the whole time... little steps. Atty isn't ready for that yet so he sat with us. Just the fact that he sat with us in the super crowded and loud church and listened to the music is a big step for him! He use to get so overwhelmed by situations like that, he would melt down in to a out of control tantrum.

We went to a get together at my mom's house and the kids fell in love with this cute puppy... especially Spike, he really really wants a dog.

We also went to the Lights of Christmas this year. Our neighbor brought over free tickets for all of us! We had wanted to go but hadn't found enough coupons to make it affordable for us so I had given the coupons I found away to some one else that I knew was going. It was so sweet of our neighbors to think of us. I think this neighbor and I have been trying to be friends for the last three years {she home schools too!} but we are just both to shy to get around to actually hanging out, haha! Anyways they had already gone and then her husband got the tickets so they passed them on to us.

It was a lot of fun, but super crowded as we went the night before Christmas eve... then because it was late and I had some of Atty's food with we stopped at a fast food restaurant {which we never do} and got the kids some dinner. This might have been cooler to them then the light, ha!

Lala in her Christmas eve dress pushing her "baby" around in the stroller. He actually likes it, such a sweet cat.

The kids always get to open one present on Christmas eve that is their special pj's and one present from someone out side of the family. Then I make them sit for pictures in their Christmas jammies... :) We also went to look at the "dancing lights" this year on Christmas eve right before bed. It was a lot of fun, sitting in the van, eating some treats and watching the lights go to the sound of the music. They had the donation box again for Children's hospital, which we love. Feels good to be able to donate. It goes to stuffed animals for the kids that are there, and Atty got a few of those when he was there, it really does make a difference.

Love stuffing the stockings after the kids are in bed. I always put a Big Hunk in my husbands stocking... ;)

Stockings stuffed, presents under the tree, Atty's special cookies ready, bring on the morning! {All by 10:30 too, that's a record for me!}

Here they come... I don't know if Lala was yawning or excited in this picture, haha!

I had to include this picture, even though it's blurry. {As many of my early morning pictures were, so frustrating!} The boys found a stuffed animal dachshund, and because they know that she loves the two {real ones} that she has, they were so very excited to give it to her. It was really cute.

Because Atty can't have any treats in his stockings I made him his special cookies this year as well as his freezer "candies". I gave the other kids a few more treats this year in there stocking and it didn't seem to cause any problems. I try to stay away from the wrapped ones and just put bulk treats in there stockings. The bright flashy holiday candies draw the most attention, so I stay aways from those still.

Lala got some lip gloss in her stocking, oh boy was she excited! She's always trying to use mine.

Bubu taking his turn to hand out presents.

Spike in his monkey hat, over the moon excited over his Nerf gun... something I never though I would get my kids. There will be rules, but I've relaxed a bit with the boys on this.

The kids were so excited for me to open the presents they got for me... even though some of them had already slipped up and told me what they were, haha! They found me another adorable snow globe, and it was Bubu that reminded my husband that they needed to get one, so cute!

This year we decided to go sledding on Christmas day. Mount Baker is closed to skiers on Christmas day, so we thought we would try it out. It was awesome and might have to be our new tradition. Normally we go seeking snow on New Years day... but you can't beat an almost empty mountain for sledding! It was a lot of fun!! And free, bonus!

Made sure to take a picture of me so that in the future my kids would know that I was there as well... haha! Some times I wonder if they will think I just wasn't ever there since I'm always the one taking the pictures and don't end up in many of them.

Getting ready to sled down.

My sister and mom came too! My sister acted as a human sled for Lala a few times, she loved it.

We need more sleds... Didn't stop the boys from having fun though, they just rolled down the hills in between turns. :)

The climb back up wasn't easy... but they managed. Tough little guys.

These two only made it a little while before they headed back to the van.

We found a snow fort and had a snow ball fight, me against them... I won. Haha! It was only because I had endless snow available to me, they ran out pretty fast... once that happened they started losing member fast, first one to join my side... Spike of course.

It was a beautiful day.

A late Merry Christmas wish to you all.

~I~

I... Love to run fast and then ride my shopping cart to the car {and my children do too}.

I... Always say a prayer in my head when an emergency vehicle goes by, intended for where ever, who ever, it is headed for.

I... Almost always cry about deep thought while on road trips, it's my time to ponder and sometimes grieve.

I... Love traditions.

I... Hate cleaning the kitchen/doing dishes... oh and laundry... hate it.

I... Can hardly sleep if my husband is not in the bed {or at least in the house} with me.

I... Always sleep with the sheet up over my ears. Always. And my feet covered.

I... Am still afraid of the dark.

I... Have a hard time being okay with my body.

I... Tend to be outwardly pragmatic and inwardly an idealist... I confuse myself.

I... LOVE researching, in a super nerdy way. If something peaks my interests I will research the heck out of it.

I... Read more non-fiction then fiction, because I love learning about things. Right now I'm really interested in the history of American women. Before that I was really into homeopathic medicine and herbal healing, and before that into healing foods and diets.

I... Believe whole heartedly in natural health care and eating foods that heal, in preventive care and being responsible for and informed about your own body, and how to stay healthy.

I... Wish I had what it takes to be a midwife, but sadly I don't.

I... Freakishly check every door, and every window, every night before bed... even when I know the door is locked I will still walk over to the door and touch the lock... weird I know. I won't be able to sleep other wise. I've tried.

I... Am eclectic in everything I do, from homeschooling to decorating to clothes... everything. Some times I drive myself crazy because I can never just go with one theme.

I... Wish I was craftier. Or in actuality I wish I had more time to be crafty.

I... Love the out doors, mostly in the summer, although all the seasons have their fun.

I... Wish I was a race car driver... I fantasize often on how fantastic that would be. I hope to some day drive a real race car and race really, really fast around a track some where. I some times like to punch my mini van up to the speed limit {I usually stop there any ways} really fast so that I can pretend. {when I'm alone that is...}

I... Some day want to own a Chevy Nova again like I did when I was a teen... a really nice one. :) And yes I probably will speed a bit. Oops.

I... Sometimes {often} want to be a rebel. It's a hard thing to keep under wraps, haha!

I... Share my husbands dream of some day owning motorcycles {and learning how to ride one, ha!} and then going on long road trip through the country on a nice summer day. :) It sounds exhilarating to me!

I... Desperately want to live in the country on a nice big piece of land, preferably with a creek running though it, back right up next to some foot hills in a house we built together.

I... Would love to start riding horses again, and even own one again some day. I use to dream of racing horses and would fancy myself riding the World Famous Suicide Race in Omak, Washington. I though it was fantastically daring. Still do. But a regular walk in the woods is about all I will be able to do by the time I ever get back on a horse {although I always preferred a full out gallop, I'm thinking it wouldn't go so well now}.

I... Often have a hard time expressing how I truly feel, even though people tend to thing I'm a straight shooter. I tend to be straight forward about situations happening around me, but not about myself personally.

I... Love to sing... but shouldn't ;)

I... Love to dance... but shouldn't ;)

I... Hate being wrong. It drives me crazy. I try really hard to never be wrong. I also hate making mistakes which has honestly really held me back in life.

I... Wish I was brave enough to wear leopard print. I've been brave enough to wear fuzzy leopard print pjs and slippers, but I wish I was brave enough to go out in it.

I... Am really messy if I don't have a reason to be clean. Which is why it's good that I run an in home daycare... other wise my house would be falling apart. Although I might be able to do more fun things if I wasn't always... and I mean always... cleaning.

I... Dream of someday being a naturopathic nutritionist.

I... Love to organize, but my paper clutter is out of control. Go figure.

I... Am a control freak, it's an issue for sure, that I am trying to change little by little.

I... Can't stand it when plans change... back to the control issue, haha! It can drive me to tears!

I... Am obsessed with my husband. Seriously. Good thing I married him. He is the only man I have ever loved and I really do feel that no one holds a candle to him. It sometimes amazes me that I'm still madly in love... {most days, haha!}

I... Feel better in large crowds where I can easily slip away, verses small groups where I feel trapped. I know it doesn't make sense for most people with anxiety. I'm not saying I like large crowd but if I have to pick between the two I'll go for the bigger one any day.

I... Don't like being the focus of attention, my heart speeds up, my face turns red, I want to run away... For example, it does not make me feel special to have a whole restaurant sing happy birthday to me, in fact it makes me want to cry. Don't do it.

I... Don't do well with being woken up at night, especially if I'm really tired... I don't normally swear, but I will in the middle of the night. oh and I'm not a morning person. At all. I need a moment, give it to me if you know what's good for you. After I've had a moment to adjust I'm good to go.

I... Wish I was better at playing with my kids. I like crafting with them, going on walks, exploring, trying new things, going on road trips and outings, camping, watching a movies with them, snuggling up with books... but when it comes to just playing with them I'm not very good at it. Good thing they have plenty of siblings to play with.

I... Wish we had a Jacuzzi Whirlpool tub, I would live in that thing... if I could.

I... Love projects, ask my husband.

I... Can't stand having nothing to do, I like to stay busy. Which is a good thing since I have four kids.

I... Love oriental food... and margaritas... preferably at the same time. I told you I'm eclectic.

I... Am a list maker, and I like adding things to my list that I can easily cross off along with the hard stuff. I will sometime put things on my daily list that I have already done just so I can cross it off, haha!

I... Tend to "swim against the current" in almost everything I do, but I tend to keep it private. No bumper sticker declarations on my van. :)

I... Am a bit of a snoop. Probably because I want to know everything and I hate surprises. Well not all surprises... most. I've learned that some things are better as surprises, like presents. When I was a kid I ruin a many great surprise presents with my snooping.

I... Desperately want our family to stay close. My biggest fear is of my kids growing up and moving far away. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. I want to have the kind of family like the show Parenthood... well not exactly, just the over all closeness of it. That show makes me cry almost every single time, and laugh. It's great. Even my husband watches it with me, but I don't think I'm suppose to tell anyone that, ha!

I... Am a lefty and proud of it, I'll let you dwell on whether I mean left handed, or politically, haha! {or both?}

I... Am sure that I could go on and on with this post. But I now need to go live my life. We are all unique but similar in many ways... being human is so fascinating.

I... Suggest you do an I post, it's fun. :)

~One post that should have been two~

We got a real tree this year!

{I'm really not quite sure why my hubby thought it was so funny for me to cover up the first letter... but he got a good giggle out of it.}

We've had a fake one for the last 7 years, but it's starting to look sad and I'm not sure if I want to buy another one, so off to the tree farm we went, for this year at least.

It really was a lot of fun to look for the perfect tree together...

Christmas kisses... :)

Running, running, running...

And we found it!

Getting the lights onto this type of tree was not fun... I had to wrap each branch or it looked tacky, if we get another real tree I'm thinking it will have to be the bushy type. Once I got all the lights on a whole section of the lights went out, and would not come back on... and you know what? For the first time ever I said... I don't care, and left it that way. I'm trying to learn to let the little things go and not get myself all wound up. It really does feel good, when I manage it... Plus now that all the ornaments are on you can't {hardly} tell. :)

Hanging ornaments... this was the first year she could actually help, and boy was she cute!

Decorating the tree together, and looking at all the awesome ornaments... :)

Spike has been living in that Spider Man costume, haha!

All the lower branches are decorated with non-breakables, less stressful that way... even if it does look a little silly.

That sign says, Kisses Under The Mistle Toad... I love it!

We made pine cone owls around the end of October, and decided they looked mighty fine on the tree... Atty doesn't know it yet but I found him an owl ornament for his stocking this year and he is going to Love it! He's still all about the birds.

I'm so proud of myself this year, I finally got all the kids first Christmas baby pictures up on the tree... I've had Bubu's {this one} for years now, but never managed to get the rest of the kids up there. Well enough was enough and I forced myself to finish what I started...

I went out and found one for Lala, I didn't paint it, but it's up!
It's also not a first Christmas picture, I might change that in the future but I didn't have one on hand and I just wanted to get her on the tree. :)

Again not painted but Spike is on the tree... I've had this ornament and Atty's {with out pictures in them} sitting in the Christmas tub for a few years now, good grief... talk about procrastination, I must be the queen!!!

...and also not painted, but hey I'm making progress... I was lucky enough to find a first Christmas picture for both boys though!
We also made pine cone decorations for the tree, the kids had a blast with that... I think if we can squeeze it in we might add some popcorn chains as well. :)

This year since the tree was a different size our angel didn't fit on top... but I like that I had to go look for something new, I found a cute little star and the kids love it. We have been watching the Little House On The Prairie series and in one episode the little sister gets a star for Christmas and when she puts it on the tree she says "Happy Birthday baby Jesus". So my kids have been saying that almost every time they look at the star, so sweet.

A decorated tree... I used all white lights for the first time, and I think I like it. I'd like it more if all of them were working... gerrrrr, and let it go... :)

Also got all the Christmas decorations out. A favorite tradition of mine {I think you can call it a tradition, haha!} happened sort of on accident. On Bubu's first Christmas my Husband got me a snow globe as a gift. And every Christmas since he goes with the kids and they find one for me... I really look forward now to seeing what they pick out for me. Every year we unpack them and set them out, we look at the date on the bottom and talk about what was happening on that Christmas, how old the kids were. We wind up the music box ones and listen to the song, I shake them up for the kids to look at and we marvel at the details. I like keeping them super special by packing them away every year and being excited about getting them out again. Keeps it fresh and new. :)
I'm going to have quite the collection by the time the last kiddo leaves the house, haha!

A cute Christmas picture. Our Maxie Moo as named by Lala... She also calls him Bunny and Catkins... which by the way if we every get another cat I will just have to name him Catkins, I love it!

Okay I know, enough already... don't you just want to snuggle him though!?! Snuggle up and read a good book by the fire, drink some chai tea, ahhhh...

Now that I don't drink coffee, I'm horribly addicted to chai tea, crave it all day long!

Okay focus, back to my rambling post...

I got a new rug for the living room that I love... because I needed the old one for the playroom... because we got new carpet!!! Finally. So I'm using the old living room rug under the table in the playroom, that way the kids can still craft and eat out there and I don't have a heart attack.

This is were the post goes off track, feel free to stop reading...

Because we had to clear the whole room out... and wow was that crazy... I reorganized when we put everything back in. I probably should make a whole new post for this, but since I might never get around to it, here goes. So the home school area is tucked back behind the couch now, I wanted it a bit more separated from the playroom and the whole shelf is now used for school instead of half school, half toys. Which means my husband had to make me a new shelf for toys... good thing he's good at that sort of thing. :)

Here's a better picture of what I'm talking about. The home school area is now tucked away in the corner... I love it. See the new carpet? I love that too, never had new carpet before... it makes the whole room so much more inviting, I actually want to spend time on the floor in there now, haha! The old carpet really needed to be replaced when we moved in three years ago, but it just didn't happen.

I really love how the couch is up next to that wall now, opens up the room. We always had shelves on that wall before. That's the nice thing about moving everything out, you really get to rethink the set up when you are moving everything back in again...

On a side note, my kids really love playing with balloons, and don't worry we are super safe with them and they all get put away when it's not "balloon time" any more. :)

So here is a picture of the wall unit that my hubby just built for me... It was built to have a certain size plastic tub in each section, I just don't have the tubs yet. The closet that has all the stuff stacked in it is getting shelves built for it right now and will also have more plastic tubs to keep everything organized. I wanted more stuff packed up and away to have more space in the playroom. Plus rotating toys keeps the kids interested.

A closer look, I can't wait to get the tubs so that it looks less cluttered, but I really love it already. I'm so thankful that I can dream up something and my husband will make it for me!

So there you have it, that was a lot for one post... I have so many other things I'd like to post about but some how it never happens. I think I've been spending too much of my computer time on face book and then I don't have time left to blog... need to switch that around!

Contemplating myself...

I wonder what it mean that I always feel a need to have an abundance of things. I don't think of myself as a material person. But I always want everything to be full in my life. From book selves, to food shelves, dresser drawers, and closets. If I see an empty self I want to fill it... it feels wrong to me to have say a desk top empty, it feels like wasted space. And that's what it always boils down to, wasted space. I don't like to waste. So maybe that is more of the issue, not a want of things. I'm reading a book right now called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, it's a pretty good book. I started thinking about my need to keep things filled up when I read a section of her book where she was talking about how some told her it makes them happy to have an empty self some where in their house where they keep nothing. Just an empty shelf, full of possibilities. And that made them happy. Not me, that would never make me happy. It's funny how so many things in life are not a one size fits all sort of thing. In another section of the book some one else was telling her that you need to always have a junk drawer for many different reasons... now that one rang true for me, hahaha! But in fact I have way too many junk drawers, I have boxes of junk that I can't seem to part with, don't know what to do with it... that doesn't necessarily make me happy, so I guess it's all in moderation. I do know that having an organized house makes me feel happy, but so does being surrounded by happy mementos which is why all surfaces of my house are covered... ha! I like to feel full. I like my shelves being full. I feel better when our food shelves are stuffed to over flowing. I like my house being full of kids, and kid stuff. I like going through my box of saved cards from birthdays and holiday. I could go on and on. I never really noticed this before I read her book though. And so it make me wonder, why does it make me happy? And I find it interesting that when not kept in moderation, which happens often, the same thing that makes me happy starts to drive me crazy. Like when it starts to turn into clutter, or when I run out of room to store things properly, or when I keep thing that serve no purpose anymore... in this I could also go on and on. I have a hard time throwing things away. I do feel better when I thrift or gift, or recycle when possible. I'm trying to get better at this. In the last couple months I've been slowly tackling the clutter factor, the drawers over flowing with stuff {junk drawers, and in reality boxes and bags stuffed in closets...} the shed where every thing gets shoved to when I don't know what else to do with it, the excess in clothes, etc... I'm starting to realize that what makes me happy in smaller amounts, drains me in larger amounts. I'm parting with things I really didn't think I would part with. I'm going to keep a junk drawer {or two} and a few memory boxes, but I'm feeling a desperate need for a little less clutter. I won't ever have an empty shelf though, that is just not me... and that's okay. :)

Insert a little black cloud right above my head...

I've been a wretched, nasty, mean and super agitated wife and mother lately and I'm ashamed. I really want to change, and every night I go to bed thinking about how desperately I want to change, then the next day comes and it's the same thing all over again. I'm just a grump. The morning usually starts off well, and I make it through the main part of the day okay, although I feel like I distance myself from my kids in order to do it. Stick to the schedule, get done what needs to be done, stay a professional {because of the daycare}. Then the evening {and weekends to be prefectly honest} comes and snappy mean mom comes out. I start feeling behind and burnt out and frustrated and just generally tired. Tired of the non-stop cleaning, tired of the non-stop reminders, tired of breaking up arguments and bickering, tired of correcting behavior, tired of preparing meals, tired of all the noise... really I could go on and on. Why am I in this negative place. I can be an anxious person, I've had to fight that my whole life, but this is maybe more depressed or something. Maybe I need to get my thyroid check. Or just get more sleep instead of staying up late enjoying a little time with less demands. Why can I not stay focused on the positive for more then two seconds? Why am I not enjoying my kids more? Why do I want to run away? {Not for real, just in my head...} Why do I feel so overwhelmed all the time? I want so desperately to be a better mom, and I feel so frustrated with myself because I feel like I know what I need to do but I just don't stick to it. I need to be more loving, I need to spend more time just being with them... I know that sounds funny coming from a stay at home mom but I get so caught up in taking care of the house and all the other day to day stuff, and the daycare that I forget to just stop and really spend time with them. I want to change my attitude so bad, I act stressed out and frustrated way to much. I want to appear {and feel} relaxed and happy more often. How do I get there? I want to be a mom that really enjoys her kids, and hardly ever raises her voice, stays calm and collected... has fun, acts silly and lightens up the mood in the house, and I want to be that mom on a regular basis. With out my house falling apart while I'm playing... I really wish I didn't care about that part so much but I do. So I guess I need to make keeping the house clean fun as well, know how do I do that?

...and one more makes seven...

Meet our newest family member... Max.He's ten weeks old and super adorable! I saw his picture yesterday morning and just got this feeling that he was the perfect kitty for our family. The kids had been talking about getting a pet for a while now {Although it's mostly been talk about a dog, but I'm just not ready for that... so I guess I'm trying to buy myself some time, haha!} I had started thinking about a cat and looking around for one. Just looking and getting ideas. I didn't think we would be getting one for another month or so. But I just couldn't pass him up! In my mind the perfect cat would be a big fluffy orange long haired male cat. And there he was! He turned out to not be as orange as I thought, but you know what it doesn't matter because he's still gorgeous. A Carmel Vanilla Swirl... yummy. :) So far he's just a doll, really sweet. Hopefully it will stay that way, he's definitely been well loved and very use to people. He's litter box trained {a must} and seems to be doing fine with that as well. Seems really healthy and well balanced. So far we couldn't be happier.

Isn't he just adorable!

A day {or three} late and a dollar short...

Happy Halloween!Some how I deleted the pictures of us carving pumpkins before downloading them, sadness. But I did get some cute pictures of them in their Halloween costumes.

We had a house full of super heroes and kitties this year. :)

I would say the kitties out numbered the super heroes except that my hubby is a super hero whether he dresses up or not... ;) So it was a well balanced night, apparently kitties and super heroes can live in harmony. Plus kitties always need a super hero to rescue them, haha!

My adorable little kitten. She was a puppy for our Harvest party, but she got too hot in that outfit so she gladly switched over to a cute little kitty, that barks. ;)

Meow... Atty picked out kitty ears and that was all he was willing to wear, he's never been big on the Halloween outfits. I found a black shirt and pants, add some whiskers, and ta da, black cat!

This boys makes the best super man if you ask me! He's my super hero!

Spike went with spider man once again... his favorite. He's also been wearing it ever since, every where we go, even to bed! I just talked him out of it last night, because superheroes need clean clothes you know! He asked me first thing this morning if I'd washed it yet...

Kitties! It's sort of turned into a tradition that I am a cat every Halloween, and even though I'm a bit bored with it and my outfit/face paint gets more and more boring every year I can't seem to stop. Ha!

We had a great Halloween, at home. We played hide and seek for a super long time and the kids loved it, it was a lot of fun. The kids were a bit disappointed with our measly 5 trick-or-treaters though. They were pretty excited about the idea of being involved with Halloween by at least handing out trinkets... and then hardly a soul showed up. Ah well... I can't say that I personally mind all that much, I would hate to live in one of those neighborhoods that get slammed on Halloween but I was sort of wishing for a little bit more excitement for my kids since they were being such great sports about staying home and skipping on the candy. One problem we have is with the porch light, we have motion lights so it looks like our porch light is out until you start up the walk... I think some people skipped over our house because of that. Although we did have our awesome jack-o-lanterns going... and there were little faces peeking out the window all night. Might have to figure out a solution for the porch light next year. Who knows maybe we might be brave enough to take the kids trick-or-treating again next year. Atty might be old enough at that time to be okay with trading his candy for toys or money... if that ends up being the case we won't even be home, problem solved. ;)