Contemplating myself...

I wonder what it mean that I always feel a need to have an abundance of things. I don't think of myself as a material person. But I always want everything to be full in my life. From book selves, to food shelves, dresser drawers, and closets. If I see an empty self I want to fill it... it feels wrong to me to have say a desk top empty, it feels like wasted space. And that's what it always boils down to, wasted space. I don't like to waste. So maybe that is more of the issue, not a want of things. I'm reading a book right now called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, it's a pretty good book. I started thinking about my need to keep things filled up when I read a section of her book where she was talking about how some told her it makes them happy to have an empty self some where in their house where they keep nothing. Just an empty shelf, full of possibilities. And that made them happy. Not me, that would never make me happy. It's funny how so many things in life are not a one size fits all sort of thing. In another section of the book some one else was telling her that you need to always have a junk drawer for many different reasons... now that one rang true for me, hahaha! But in fact I have way too many junk drawers, I have boxes of junk that I can't seem to part with, don't know what to do with it... that doesn't necessarily make me happy, so I guess it's all in moderation. I do know that having an organized house makes me feel happy, but so does being surrounded by happy mementos which is why all surfaces of my house are covered... ha! I like to feel full. I like my shelves being full. I feel better when our food shelves are stuffed to over flowing. I like my house being full of kids, and kid stuff. I like going through my box of saved cards from birthdays and holiday. I could go on and on. I never really noticed this before I read her book though. And so it make me wonder, why does it make me happy? And I find it interesting that when not kept in moderation, which happens often, the same thing that makes me happy starts to drive me crazy. Like when it starts to turn into clutter, or when I run out of room to store things properly, or when I keep thing that serve no purpose anymore... in this I could also go on and on. I have a hard time throwing things away. I do feel better when I thrift or gift, or recycle when possible. I'm trying to get better at this. In the last couple months I've been slowly tackling the clutter factor, the drawers over flowing with stuff {junk drawers, and in reality boxes and bags stuffed in closets...} the shed where every thing gets shoved to when I don't know what else to do with it, the excess in clothes, etc... I'm starting to realize that what makes me happy in smaller amounts, drains me in larger amounts. I'm parting with things I really didn't think I would part with. I'm going to keep a junk drawer {or two} and a few memory boxes, but I'm feeling a desperate need for a little less clutter. I won't ever have an empty shelf though, that is just not me... and that's okay. :)