Such is life...

So lots has been going on around here. Not all of it good. That's life right...

Where to start?

First off we had to find a new home for our dog. And I was {still am} heartbroken. He started exhibiting a tendency towards food aggression early on. We worked intensely with him, and even paid for a trainer to come out to our house for tips and further training. I had just signed up more more training classed for basic obedience and to get him better socialized because we were having issues with that as well. Basically it all boils down to that little bit of Chow in him. He was a Boxer/Lab/Chow mix. Chows can have a tendency towards food aggression, and they are often very wary of strangers. As he got bigger this became more and more of a problem. He was a super sweet dog, but when it came to strangers he freaked the funk out, which made it really hard to take him on walks, or take him any where really. As well as really embarrassing and frustrating when people came over that he didn't know very well. He was getting big, and scaring people because his bark was so loud and he looked aggressive. Although he really was scared more then anything. But that can also be a really bad combo a scared and wary dog. Any way right when I though we were making progress with the food aggression thing a series of events happened that proved me very wrong. And it all ended in our dog biting one of my friends kids on the hand. Seemingly over what he thought was food. He drew blood and that was that. He had a new home a couple days later. A great home actually, and for that I am relieved. A place with no kids, an older man with a lonely dog that wanted a friend, and acreage with a creek running through it for them to explore all day long. We took him up there and although it took over two hours for him to calm down and stop barking and become friends, in the end he thankfully mellowed out. So far everything seems to be working out for him, I sincerely home that he has found his forever home. And I deeply regret that we weren't it. It was so hard telling my kids that we had to find him a new home, and because they were so understanding {as always} it made it that much harder. They are seriously gracious kids, and I often feel so undeserving.
 The thing is he wasn't a bad dog. He really wasn't. He was in all other ways a sweet, funny, and super smart dog. I cried hard all the rest of that horrible weekend. And I still catch myself tearing up now and again thinking about him. I became really, really attached to him, I haven't had a dog in my adult years that I have ever felt so attached to. But such is life, and in my life the safety of children will always come before anything else.
My kids of course want to jump right in again with a new dog, they keep talking out our next dog, in the same breath that they remind me how much they miss their other dogs, Luna and Radar. And because of that fact, the fact that we have tried and failed with two dogs, I hurt too much to even contemplate another dog. Which in turn makes me sad because I really do feel that kids and dogs go hand in hand, or should I say paw? Hand in paw. Sigh. Maybe much later I can open myself up to the subject again, but for now... it just hurts, way too much.

Next topic. Me. Ha ha! No seriously me... I finally admitted to myself that something is seriously wrong with me and I went into a naturopathic doctor and got a bunch of blood tests ordered, and guess what. I was right. I am all messed up. Not in a can't fix it way, but in a you seriously need to take care of yourself way. She equated me to a car running out of gas, or in a more violent way, headed straight towards a brick wall at full speed. Lovely. I have seriously low cortisol levels and have been suffering from adrenal fatigue for I honestly don't know how long. Here's a link on the symptoms of low cortisol levels. And I can honestly say that at least 26 of those things relate directly to me. It's been rough for a while now. So since my adrenal glands are trying to tap out on me, my thyroid is also suffering. Here's a link on symptoms of a thyroid problem.  At least five of those things listed apply to me. Especially the anxiety, depressions, fatigue, and weight issues. Both adrenal and thyroid issues are connected to anxiety etc... no wonder I've been a hot mess. On top of that I am really, really low on ferritin, which as my doctor put it is "the bus that iron rides in on". I'm low in B12 and very low in vit. D. As well as low in potassium, and high in sodium. Which is weird because I eat a whole foods diet, and only use a little sea salt. Even my doctor didn't understand that one and had no explanation for me. I think I might have found a link in this.  It appears that I might have high levels of aldosterone. But I wasn't tested for that. I do believe that once I correct my adrenals it's possible that the high levels of aldosterone will correct as well. If I'm still having problems and not getting the healing I need then I might ask about getting tested for aldosterone levels. Anyways on top of all that is the fact that I am low in both estrogen and progesterone.  And to make matters even worse I have too much estrogen and not enough progesterone. There were a few other issues in my blood work results, but I've listed the biggies. Now to what I'm going to do about it. It's nice to have some answers and a direction to go in. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. I simply could not understand how I could eat so well and be constantly striving to live a healthy life style and be suffering so much. I believe that most of my current health issues are a snow ball effect from the extremely stressful abusive childhood I had, where I was in constant fight or flight mode, it did some massive damage to my adrenal glands. And since life is still stressful in other ways, it's just been adding insult to injury for years and years now. Once your adrenals start to go out, they drag a whole lot down with them. Hence the reason for most of my current health issues. Since I elected to not do a prescription medicine my road to recovery is going to be a little slower, but I'll get there. And I personally would rather go slower, while making good healthy choices for my body. I don't want to get sucked into the prescription medicine loop if I can at all avoid it. I've got supplement suggestions up the ying yang. I've been making my list and checking it twice the last couple days, I've already started on a few, and I do believe I'm already feeling a wee bit better. :) I'm so excited to feel the changes come over me. It will be such a relieve to not feel the anxious, jittery, angry, mood swings, so often. To have my strength back, and a bunch of other things. I'm sure my family will be thankful as well. ;)

Shesh.... long post! And I'm not done.

So on top of all this we are going through a rough spot with Atty and his diet. We tried to introduce a few new foods, because he's been on the diet for three years now. But unfortunately his face has started breaking out in red angry patches again, and his behavior has regressed massively, and he has actually turned into an even pickier eater now. Weirdly enough. There have been some nasty power struggles over food, and as of recently some sneaking into food that is not on his diet. Frankly I am super worried that his seizures are going to start up again! And so frustrated and sad. This last weekend was a nightmare of refusing to eat and sneaking into two different foods, that I know of, that aren't on his diet. When we first notice that he was starting to have problems we showed him pictures and videos of when he was having seizures to remind him of the importance of his diet. And we had a nice heart to heart about it. But this weekend it didn't seem like that sunk in at all. I think the problem is that he has come to realize that he doesn't instantly start to seize when he eats something not on his diet, and he can't grasp that it's a cumulative effect. Plus he's six and wants to do what he wants to do. The second time he snuck into food his dad was home, and it seemed to affect him more to have both of us taking it so seriously and talking to him about it. Plus we had to let him know that if we can't trust him around food then he can't go anywhere with out us. Including Sunday school {where they serve a snack} or friends houses, or even Awana's next year {which he really wants to do}. Plus if his seizures start up again then he won't be able to do any more swimming lessons, which he really loves. I think for now that seemed to drive the point home. This week has been better then last week so far. Plus the kid I nanny for is now on a diet like Atty's so we have made Atty his helper. He likes that he is responsible for helping him and setting a good example for him. So anyways, needless to say he is going back onto the Modified Atkins/GAPS diet strictly. No more wiggle room for now. And I hope and pray that we caught it in time and he will start to heal up again and we won't see any seizures from this.
Banden is also still struggling from migraine headaches, and although the elimination diet has cleared up some major triggers, we haven't been able to weed them all out yet. Last week at Atty's swim lessons Banden's headache got so bad again that he puked. I think the chlorine smell overwhelmed him as he already had a pounding headache before we got there. He puked twice while we were there actually, and the second time it was in a crowded changing room, puking into a garbage can. It was a rough day for both of us, but mostly him. He has no desire to eat when his headaches get like that, so he went to bed with out eating any dinner, on top of hardly eating any lunch. But the next day he was back to his old self. It's so frustrating still not knowing what all the triggers are! And I've really been working at it! I hate seeing him suffer. Thankfully they are now few and far between, but I'd like them to just go away and stay away!
Okay last little thing... The hubby finally got another job after being laid off for a couple months. So that's good. The waiting list for a union carpenter is a mile long right now. You basically have to do your own networking to find a new job, or you stay in no mans land. Thankfully he has a good carpenter friend that is good at networking {because although my husband is good at many, many things, he is not good at networking} and he once again got him on at a job. But. The commute is 2 1/2 hours one way! A five hour commute! That includes a ferry ride. Bleck. Plus it's five eight hour days, which he hates and he's making less money then before. So while we are glad for work, we are also feeling so frustrated that he keeps having to take nasty jobs in order to bring in an income. This new job is nothing like what we thought he would be doing as a carpenter, just like we didn't think he would be working at a refinery as a carpenter. I wish he could be done with it all and just start his own business. But his responsibilities are so great, and the risk of starting your own business so high that it's just not a possibility right now. So we continue on and try to make the best out of a frustrating situation. I'm back to feeling like a single mom, at least during the workweek, and he's back to struggling through a grueling workweek. And once again we have to figure out a way to not take that out on each other. :)

It looks like we might go camping this weekend, and he might get some fishing it. And I'm dreaming of reading a good book and relaxing while the kids play. We need it. And with that said I've ended on a positive note. Yay me! ;)