My littlest boy's birthday is right around the corner... I know I say this every year, but seriously where does the time go? How can be possibly be almost five already? Seems like yesterday he was a rolly-polly juicy little baby with big blue eyes. He still has those big blue eyes, but the rolls, sadly those are gone. ;)
I spent the morning watching baby videos of him. Well all of the baby videos of the boys actually. In a way it makes me sad thinking about how that time went by so fast. There was so much going on in our lives then that I feel like I didn't really absorb the moments as they should have been, it's all a blur really. When I think of Spike as a baby I get bits and pieces. Good thing I wrote stuff down and took pictures/videos, because I seriously wouldn't have remembered other wise. Most nights when Atty and Spike were little, being only four months apart, I got a few hours of broken up sleep tops. Then there was Bubu being little himself, and a teenage J going through a rough patch. And speaking of rough patches, my husband and I were going through one of the biggest ones of all. There were moments were I questioned if I was going to come out on the other side sane or not, or if there even was a light at the end of the tunnel. And that is exactly what I mean, I just didn't take my time and enjoy the little moments enough, I was simply focused desperately on keeping my sanity. And now I wish so much that things had been different, that I had figured out a way to be less overwhelmed some how. I know that there is no point in regret, but with Spike every year he gets a little older I regret not enjoying his being a baby more. He really was such an adorable baby. And he is growing into an adorable young man.
Really though all I have is this moment in time, and so I make an effort to remember the moments. The funny things he says, the way he can so easily make us all laugh with his witty sense of humor. His amazing ability to be good at everything he puts his mind too, just like his dad. The brilliant way he seems to stay one step ahead of me on a regular basis {which also drives me crazy, but you just have to admire it}. His quick thinking, the boy can shift gears in the blink of an eye and somehow get people to agree with him before they even realize what they are doing. He just keeps problem solving until he figures it out. He lives and breathes this song, which I'll admit even though it drives me crazy I love that he's got that kind of spunk {this song also happens to be my theme song, it's gotten me through some big stuff in my life}. He's a lot like me, and a lot like his dad and I secretly think he got the best of us both, even though it can make him very challenging at times. And the boys got moves, seriously I have no idea how he can dance so well, that he definitely didn't get from us. :) He seems so tough but he's actually extremely sensitive, he still gets all snuggly with me, he'll be the first to insist I give him a kiss and hug before leaving, and he still likes to try and curl up in my lap. He loves to brush my hair. He tells me I look beautiful every time I wear a dress or do my hair. When he gets his feelings hurt he makes the bravest little face and makes a little sniffing sound, but rarely cries about it. At least not in front of his friends. It breaks my heart when I see him do this. When he falls and gets hurt now he will say "mom I didn't cry" and acts all tough guy on me. We've never expected our boys to act like that, so I have no idea why this is so important to him now, but I've seen his get hurt pretty bad a few times lately and seriously swallow back his tears and put a tough guy face on. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't want him to hold stuff in too much because he already tends to do that and it's just not healthy in the long run. But it seems to be his personality, instead of sharing how he feels he just looks at me with those big blue eyes shining with tears he's trying to hold back and it really does break my heart. Sometimes he seems so sad that I worry about him, and other times he has such a bubbly personality, I guess he truly is a Gemini. :)
I am proud of what an amazing human he is turning out to be. As the years go buy I hope to focus more on the little moments so that I don't miss out on all the wonderful ways he changes and grows as he matures. He's made a big impact in the five years he's been on earth, can't wait to see what else he has in store for us!
