Happy anniversary

The big day was four years ago now. Seems a lot longer then that since I met him so long ago. We committed to each other way before we actually got married...it took us a while. He proposed to me at the very same spot on the river the year before on the exact same date. Here is a little bit straight out of my journal from that day when he proposed.

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We walked out onto a log that was hanging over the river and sat down side by side. We were looking around and taking in the view and listening to the sound of the river. R started talking about how the river would be a beautiful place to get married and such and I remember sort of thinking it was an odd subject to bring up, but I was still oblivious. I was excited about finally getting my daycare license the day before (and thinking about that). After all that stress I was just enjoying being able to relax at the river. I was agreeing with him and we were chit-chatting and he said he wanted to be able to call me his wife and I said "buddy that's sweet, I want to be able to call you my husband." At that moment he took my hand and said "will you marry me?" During this time I was getting ready to tease him about a ring which is something J and I had been doing lately. So I said "of course I would marry you..." and I was getting ready to say more when he said "oh good because I got you this and he pulled the most beautiful white gold three stone diamond ring out of his pocket. I was in shock. The first thing I said was "are you serious" then I said that a few more times, and he asked which hand the ring went on and I started crying as I showed him which one and he held it and stared into my eyes and said again "will you marry me?" I said "yes!" Then I said "I thought you'd never ask me!" (Because I stupidly told him years before that I would never get married, and I would tell him no if he asked. Nothing against him I was just scared of the whole thing.) I was crying and laughing and scared the ring was going to fall into the river. He got it on my finger and I gave him the biggest best hug ever and I was shaking and I felt good to the very core of my being. I was on top of the moon and it was surreal! I never knew that one moment in your life could feel so good. I remember the sound of the river, the feel of the wind, the mountains and evergreen trees around us, the smell of nature and the look of pure love on R face. I could feel it on my own and I knew our hearts were beating together as the sun began to sink and twilight settled in.

Aren't I corny. It was such a wonderful day though and the wedding day one year later was just as amazing. I had such butterflies in my stomach! J walked me up to R while the song Build to Last by Tom Petty (my favorite) was playing. We have so many pictures from that day that I didn't write it down in a journal, it's as clear as a bell in my head. We stood and listened as the song finished, and I soaked it all in. The river, the mountains, the sound of the birds singing in the background my soon to be husband standing before me. It was a super tiny wedding (four other adults and two kids + the really sweet lady who married us). My sister, knowing how much I love daisies stopped and picked wild daisies on the way to the wedding and made crowns for us to wear. I had already had one made for me by a florist along with a daisy bouquet, she didn't know this. R wore his though and she wore the other one. It ended up being the perfect touch.

The whole wedding was so much more wonderful then I ever could have imagined.
The love I felt for R was (and is) immeasurable.
Seeing that same love reflected in his eyes meant the world to me. I have always felt connected to him but I didn't realize something had been missing until that moment. Standing there declaring our ongoing commitment to each other I truly feel complete. We had included the words "you complete me" in our wedding vows and it felt so go to say. We wrote our own vows and every word was straight from the heart.
Sealed with a kiss.

Wasn't J the cutest. He was so proud to be able to walk with me up to R and be included in the wedding. Wouldn't have had it any other way. He has always been a huge part of our lives.

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So now it is our anniversary, and so much has happened in the last four years. We were talking about it last night and we can hardly believe how much has gone on. It's almost overwhelming. We have been through a lot and there is a lot more to come. Looking back over how we have weathered it through the years though and how much we have learned about each other I feel we are well equipped to stand strong together even in the biggest storm.

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This is a poem I wrote to him nine years ago and I still feel this way to this day.

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you are my love

my soul mate

my friend

from the beginning of time

we were meant to be together

with our hearts in twined

and our minds in tune

you are my love

my soul mate

my friend

you are my rock

in a ragging river

you are my light

at the end of a long hard road

you are my love

my soul mate

my friend

when I am sad

you kiss away my tears

you make me laugh

when my head is clouded with fears

you are my love

my soul mate

my friend

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Looking forward to another year.

Mushy-smushy...

I went alone to a baby shower last weekend and during the long drive there I started thinking about how next month is our anniversary, Ryder and I. We will be celebrating four years of marriage, and 15 years since our eyes met as he walked into the room. I was 15 years old when we met. So now he has been in my life for half of my life time! That got me thinking, and crying and all sentimental. So many things have happened since he first entered my world in 1994.
(I am not 500 lbs in this picture, I'm just wearing everything I owned at the time or something, I use to layer, a lot. Not that it really matters, I just felt an unnecessary need to explain for some reason. Sorry for the rotten picture, it's was taken in 94 and it's a picture of a picture, so yeah...)

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He is the only man I have ever been in love with. He is the only man who has the total ability to shatter my heart to pieces, which he did by the end of the summer we met. It was initially a short intense summer romance, which then dragged on for about another year of on again off again turmoil. Then we lost contact and what followed for me was a couple years of heart break and then soul searching. By the time I recovered and was headed in my own direction he reappeared in my life and still had the ability to make my heart race at the sound of his voice.

I tried to tell myself not to fall in love with him, but with in a year of his reappearance in 98, I was again hopelessly in love. Lucky for me this time so was he. We got back together and have been together ever since. The picture above was taken in the summer of 99. It took four years, and then another six before I was willing and ready to get married. We have been through a lot of ups and downs in our relationship over the years. A lot of hard times going on around us while we leaned on each other for support. Some super happy times and some heart wrenching times. Now we come to this, a home of our own over flowing with children and a relationship that has managed to stay solid over the years despite the odds.

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I might write more about our relationship over the next few weeks because I'm in the mood to reminisce, if you want to skip it don't bother checking in over here until after our anniversary in June. It won't hurt my feelings I promise.

I think I'll keep him

I'm going to take a moment to say, all complaining aside, I have a super awesome husband. He cooks, he cleans, vacuums, does laundry (some times), takes care of the kids, and does the dishes (a lot, I hate doing dishes and I do a ton too, so there are just a lot of freaking dishes to do constantly!). He builds things, fixes things, does just about any chore I ask him to and is still working on my never ending "to do" list. He is absolutely awesome. I have been so super sick and tired with this pregnancy and I seriously don't know what I would do with out him right now. I don't have the option of just leaving my house a wreck when I am too sick to operate, because I run a daycare in my home. So he has been picking up my slack big time. He is still not working right now, which gives him more time to help out then he would normally be able to do, but even when he is working he will come home from a crazy long day, and pitch in, do what needs to be done. He is an amazing husband and amazing father and I just don't ever tell him this enough. It's been over 15 years since I first gazed into his beautiful blue eyes and it just keeps getting better and better. It has been a long hard road, but worth it, truly worth it.

...and no I didn't train him (and wouldn't admit it even if I did). People say that right to his face, and he takes it in stride, doesn't let it get to him. Cause it's not that he's "trained", it's because we are a team, 50/50 is the deal. There is just a lot of stuff that needs to be done all the time. He doesn't have any hang ups about what he can and can not do, except dirty diapers. Doesn't care for those. ;)

time alone!

All of the boys took a nap at the same time today, and my husband and I actually got some time alone! It was wonderful. I miss those quiet moments. I guess I never really appreciated them enough before we had kids. That's just the way it was, and honestly at times I found it kind of boring. Funny. Thinking back I am glad we waited as long as we did to have kids. We rarely get time together, just me and him, now days. But we had 10 years to stock piled those moments of togetherness before we had kids. So now when we barely have a moment to spare for each other, we can pull from the memories of a time when it was just the two of us, and it helps keep that spark alive. Sometimes when the house is really loud, and the boys are everywhere, getting into everything, my husband and I just look at each other and those memories, and the stolen moments we find, flood back into our minds and pull us together,. Keep us going strong. I am more in-love with him now then the day we met, but the day to day noise has a tendency to drowned that out. When it's quiet and he turns his beautiful eyes to me, I can think of nothing else.

my love

Love A cozy moment.

Atty squishing daddy.

A baby Atty and Daddy Boys at the fair, Juicy's hidding in the backpack... Juicy and his daddy on his first birthday.
Family fun at the beach.
Daddy and his boys.

Our family on the front steps of our new house.
A baby Bubu and daddy.
higher daddy higher!
A sleepy daddy and a sleepy newborn Juicy baby.
Favorite recent picture, beautiful blue eyes!

I love the above picture of my honey-baby. He is even cuter then the day we met, and that's saying a lot! He is such a wonderful daddy to our children and a hard working husband. I know I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate all that he does. I can not imagine my life with out him. He got up at 4 am this morning and has to commute almost 2 hours to a job site that he is hoping to get hired at, because the job he has been at is almost finished. He doesn't want to get on the union waiting list, because right now it is a long wait, mostly because the economy is slowing down. If he gets this job, he will leave the house at 5 am and not get home until around 7:30 pm! Working 4 tens if he's lucky, probably more then that, which I don't know that I would be able to handle, but he is always ready, willing and actually hoping for it, because it's good money and he is always wanting to make things better for us. I some times get teary seeing him with his boys, knowing that he didn't have a dad around when he was growing up, I often wonder how he so instinctively knows how to be that father figure for his own boys. I do not have good memories of my father and I am so thankful that through my husband our children will have wonderful memories of theirs. My husband and I waited a long time before having our first son, Bubu, and now I can't imagine life with out them all. Although on the rough days I sometimes think we didn't wait long enough! It is wild how many different fazes a relationship goes through if you are with a person long enough. In June my husband and I celebrated the 14th anniversary of the day we met. The day we met someone had mentioned that a boy was coming over (with a most unusual name) and I should stay and met him. I heard his name and knew that I would not be leaving until I saw this boy, and the moment he walked in the room, I was in love. That very moment. There was something about him, I was drawn to him like a magnet. I could barely breath I was so head over heals. Some time that summer we were sitting together in a field of grass, and there were daisy's growing next to us and I told him that daisy's were my favorite flower and he pick some and gave them to me and told me he was the daisy king, and I decided right then and there that I was going to be his daisy queen. The rest of that summer I had butterflies in my stomach and looked forward to every moment I could be near him. Of course it took him a little bit longer to realize he couldn't live with out me, but he got there eventually...and he has said it was all because no matter were he was and who he was with he couldn't stop thinking about me. He was my first everything and the only man I have ever been in-love with. I have often wondered why we are so strongly drawn to each other. I know think it is because we were meant to have these beautiful children. I think in the end it won't be the story of my husband and I that will be remembered, it will be our children's.