Mice called bunnies.

We had a wonderful Easter. It was made even better by the fact that my husband got off work early totally unexpectedly, and was able to have the Easter egg hunt with us and dinner. Which was so wonderful. I am finally brave enough to post a belly picture, yikes! Crazy hair and all. I am trying to grow it out again, but I'll admit it's driving me crazy right now. Me and my big ol' belly. I don't know why I get so big so fast, but it's always been that way. Can you see why my midwife thought twins?!

Boys with their Neenee, my mom. She spend the night, because my friend was starting to have contractions, and we thought that she might have the baby, so I went over to her house. The contractions ended up stopping over night though, poor thing. It was nice to be able to spend Easter with the kids, even though it meant that my poor friend has to wait a little longer, and it was great that their Neenee got to be there too.

Atty stuffing his face with treats. Look at those big juicy chipmunk cheeks. So cute!

Ira was a good little egg finder. I did have to keep reminding him to look for eggs first before eating them, so that his brothers didn't end up with them all.

Easter family picture. I made every one dress nice for the dinner and we had a great time.

Our egg hunt ended up being in doors, because of course it was raining as it does on all holidays here in the NW. If you noticed the huge pile of laundry in the background it ended up being a great place to hide eggs, kinda like looking for a needle in a haystack. My couch gets lonely, so the laundry feels obliged to keep it company.

Atty looking for eggs. He made that bunny basket. Filled it up with lots of eggs, which I had filled up with dried fruit, nuts, and yogurt covered raisin, because I am admittedly a bit of a health nut. My poor kids. They did get some candy in there Easter baskets though, so they are not total deprived. Although I tend to put more trinkets and little toys in there then candy.

Ira loved this egg the most, didn't want to put it in the basket, carried it around instead. Silly kid.

Banden wanted me to take a picture of every egg he found, and he found a lot! It was funny. He was so proud of his finding skills this year. Kept telling me "I'm a great finder mom."

All of the kids made these cute bunny baskets this year. Although they ended up looking more like mice this time around for some reason. I think it's the whiskers, I'll have to use something different next time. I used something different for the whiskers last year and they looked a lot better. The kids had so much fun making them though. Ira went crazy with the decorations. The foam shapes were suppose to be just for the nose, but he had other plans. Anyways that was our Easter, hope you all had a great time too.

So...

I am excited to say...IT'S ONLY ONE! Boy was I relieved. The Tech didn't make me suffer either, because I was so nervous, so she told me right away. She also said the measurements put me at 15 weeks, I'm at 14 now, so that's only a week difference. Since my babies have always measured a bit big I'm positive I am only 14 weeks, and that I was correct about when I conceived. I am not sure why I measured at 17 weeks at my last midwife appointment, we will just have to wait and see what I measure at next time.

Also I am pretty sure it's a GIRL! I can't be 100% because it is early to tell, but the Tech said it was her opinion that it was a girl, and it looked like one to me too. I'm super excited about that. The baby also kicked really hard during the appointment, so hard that it moved the outside of my belly were the ultrasound equipment was, and the Tech was really shocked, she said she has never seen anything like it, and that it was like a 28 week kick! The baby started going crazy, moving around and kicking like wild. I don't think it liked the test so much. I had been saying that I was feeling some movement, starting from around 12 weeks, but I never expected anything like that! The baby was also trying to make it hard for us to see whether it was a girl or a boy, it was closing it's legs and putting it's hands down there like it was trying to cover up, we all started laughing really hard. I really feel like the baby is a girl, but I don't know if I can start calling it a girl, since I don't know for sure.

Anyways it's nice to know there one big baby swimming around in this tummy of mine, and I can't help but be excited about the good possibility that it is a girl.

Today's the day!

Alright today's the day...today I go in for the ultrasound that will tell me whether I get to keep my sanity or not, well what's left of it anyways. My husband actually got the day off, they never tell them until the day before. So it was a total surprise when he told me last night that he could go with me, I wasn't counting on that at all! I think Bubu might go too, he invited himself. I am still trying to convince myself that it is only one, if I am right I will be the only one who thinks there is only one. Everyone else seems to have already decided it's twins. I think they just want to see turn into a babbling mess.

So I've got my fingers crossed, I am envisioning one cute big baby on the screen, but I have to admit I am a nervous wreck. I'll let you all know...if I am not too much of a babbling mess.

What a mess...

So the last few days have been overwhelming to say the least.

On Saturday I picked up J from visiting with his sister on spring break. The situation at his mom's house has been going from bad to worse, especially now that she is so sick. It has gotten to the point were he is having to endure continuous verbal abuse and neglect. He has all F in school, has recently been suspended, was with friends that were stealing and on and on and on. It's just an all around bad situation for him. So we felt he should come back and live with us. He had been with us for 6 1/2 years before going back to live with her last June. Half of his life time. I was raising him longer then I have been raising my own boys. We thought she understood and that she would let it happen. We were hoping that there was one little part of her that wasn't selfish and would understand that J living with her was not in his best interest. Instead she stopped answering the phone when my husband called and then on Monday with out saying anything to us first she called the school he was going to there and told them that we took J with out her permission. So I, still oblivious to all this, signed him up at school here, got him all set, talked to the counselor about the fact that he had previously been diagnosed with Aspergers while living with us (something his mom refuses to acknowledge.) and we left. I had some errands to run and then when I got home I had a message from the school here that there was a question about guardianship. We happen to have an open agreement, notarized between his mother and Ryder and I giving us the ability to make decisions regarding school, medical and such from before. So the school here didn't know what to do. Then my mom called and told me that J's mom called her and wasn't making much sense (she is on HIGH doses of pain meds.) and that she was saying we didn't tell her we were taking J (not true) that we had never talked to her about it (so not true) and that she had called the police. What! Keep in mind she was not answering the phone when we called or calling us, just everyone else. So then I really started to stress out, and ended up with the worse migraine headache ever. Ryder ended up driving all the way to her place over an 1 1/2 hours away after working a ten, just to try and figure out what was going on. She apparently has changed her mind, and he didn't get anywhere with her when he was trying to explain why J shouldn't be there. She just wouldn't listen. So Tuesday I wasn't able to get his school totally figured out, they were still consulting their legal team. I tried to figure out our legal options, but the only thing I could do was file a report about the abuse and neglect with the State. Apparently if a case worker gets involved then he might be able to be place with us as a relative placement, but there wasn't anyway to get a relative placement order with out doing that step first. Last night we had to make the tough decision to send him back with his mom, because he couldn't miss any more school and I couldn't determine how long it was going to take to get him set up over here. The point of him coming here was to do what was in the best interest of J, and it is not in his best interest to miss any more school. It was so hard to let him go, knowing what he will be going through again. He is so sensitive too, although he tries so hard to hide it. I told him not to internalize what she is saying to him, and to stay strong. I let him know that I will always do what I can to take care of him and protect him and I will always be here for him. That he can always call me at any time. When he was leaving I gave him a big hug and told him that I love him more then life it's self, and he said "Hey that's what you wrote on my blanket (which he sleeps with every night, even brought it with him here) and I could barely choke back the tears when I told him to keep sleeping with that blanket and always remember those words. This situation is tearing me apart, and I feel so inadequate and unable to do right by him. Yesterday my mom reminded me that I have to let go and leave it in Gods hands, and I know that, but it's so hard.

I braved it alone...

I did it.

Grocery shopping alone with three little boys.

OMGoodness. I had so many errands to run yesterday. So we started off going to Lowes for some gardening stuff, because the sun is starting to peak out around here! They did fairly well there, one buckled in, one in the basket part of the cart and one walking. Then on to the library to drop of books before they sent out a search party. Then I thought I would take them to a park for snacks and play time before attempting the...(drum roll please)...Grocery Store. So I piled them all out at a park we don't normally go to, and it was a disaster. There were a bunch of older kids there, playing tag, and they were just running all over everything and I was afraid they were going to trample one of the boys. At one point when Atty was trying to cross this rope bridge thing, another much bigger kid went over it, and poor Atty went flying off! The older kid didn't do it on purpose, but I'll admit I glared. So anyways I bundled them back up into the van, and promised another park to appease them. We went to this great park that I should have gone to in the first place. It's much smaller so it's less stressful, and easier for me to keep tabs on the little ones. They had a lot of fun. Although by this time I was already feeling a bit burnt out and since I hadn't been able to leave when I wanted to (a whole different story involving J who is now at our house.) it was close to lunch time. The grocery shopping had to be done though so off we went, worse time of the day with hungry tired little boys and a hungry tired mommy. The babies were sleeping by the time we got there. J was with us, but refused to get out of the van, so I had no choice but to face my fears hungry, tired and alone, I plan so well. I was close to tears a few minutes in. I grabbed two carts and buckled Spike into one, put a sleepy Atty in the basket part of the same cart and Bubu walked while I pulled the other cart behind me. Of course Atty woke up as soon as we started shopping and started crying. I had snacks in the back pack as always so I gave him the whole bag of his animal crackers, and the box of regular animal crackers to Spike. That helped until they started throwing them. I don't know if this happens to any of you with lots of small kids, but some people can be so rude. The stares are annoying enough as it is, but some people will actually give me nasty looks. Or act impatient with me as I am struggling around with my hands full. I don't let my children run amuck, or scream non-stop, or be rude to others. I am stern with them, I keep them under control, we try to be as polite as possible. I just don't get it. There was only one lady that was super sweet to me, she was older and wanted to stop and talk to me and the boys. She was so nice and understanding that I almost cried. Embarrassing. Anyways we made it through the whole store and by the time we were heading for check out I could barely steer and pull the overflowing cart at the same time. I'm sure we were quite the sight. The boys really did very well, I was proud of them. Spike started to melt down while we were waiting our turn in line, but recovered in time. I paid, and heading for the finishing line, feeling extremely exhausted, and on the verge of tears, but super proud of my boys. They all got some black licorice after they were safely buckled in. Piled in the groceries, collapsed into my seat and sighed a huge sigh of relief that we all made it out alive. Had to make one more stop, but it was a super quick one so I left the boys munching licorice with J. I had more things I had wanted to get done, but we had all hit a wall so we headed for home. Of course when I got home I still had a super messy house to clean, so that's when the tears really started to flow, pregnancy hormones took over and I sobbed my way through a mountain of dishes.

My sweet, sweet hubby did say that he would rather do the shopping for me on his way home from work then me having to do that again. I might take him up on that, although he just doesn't seem to be able to get the deals the way I can, and he always forgets something, or I should say many things. Practice makes perfect though right. I make a habit of taking on more then I should, I do need to continue learning to let go. It's a hard one for me, being the control freak that I am. ;)

uno or dos?

So peoples, I am going in next week sometime to figure out whether it's uno or dos in this tummy of mine. As I said in the other post I was going to wait until my 5 month ultrasound, but my hubby and just about everyone I talked to thought differently. So I gave in. Truthfully the more I think about it, the more I need to know. So much for patience. I looked back at pictures from when I was prego with Bubu and Spike and I really don't think I look much bigger, but my midwife is going by the measurement of my uterus not the over all size of my belly. For some reason I get big early and then slow down toward the end, opposite of most of the people I know. My belly just gets flat out gets huge, I have big babies, as in 10 lbs 10.5 ounces and 10 lbs 3 ounces, solid little critters. With both Bubu and Spike I have pictures were I am holding them up to my stomach when they are a couple days old and I am trying to figure out how they even fit in there. Bubu was breach and his big ol noggin was shoved up into my ribcage, and when you look at the picture of me holding him in the position he was in my tummy it seems like an impossible fit! I would put those pictures on here, because they are funny, but I look beyond wretched in them, having just had a baby, so you will just have to imagine it. Bubu ended up as a C-section, Spike was an all natural water birth at my midwifes clinic and this one (if it's just one) I am hoping for a home birth. Well see.

So I will give you all an update after the ultra sound. I cannot even wrap my brain around the possibility of two, and truthfully I don't know how I would ever manage. So I have convinced myself that it is again one big baby, sort of...

At least that's not stinky.

So my day started out with a poop filled toilet overflowing. Yeah. I had to run to the other bathroom at the other end of the house to grab the plunger, and then sprint back to the bathroom that now had sewage flowing out into the hallway. Nice. 15 nasty, have to bleach repeatedly, towels later and I now have one sparkly bathroom. Every square inch disinfected.

...But then less then an hour later while talking on the phone I glanced over at Tank who I am still trying to get potty trained and he had taken off his underwear and was in the process of pooping on the ground. Uuuugggggggg! Good thing I have a trusty carpet cleaner, I don't know what I would do with out that thing honestly. I feel like I have reached my nasty quota, for the week anyways. Just to mention, both poop filled incidence involved Atty, go figure.

Since this post seems to be all about poo, let me just say that my youngest is 21 months and is almost entirely potty trained, wears underwear except when sleeping and rarely has accidents. Bubu was potty trained completely by 19 months. But Atty, well I have a feeling I will be still changing his diapers when he's four. Part of it is due to the fact that he has sever food sensitivities that cause lots of tummy troubles for him, so he doesn't always seem to know when he is going to go potty, it just happens. The other is he truly doesn't seem to care where he goes, he just lets go where ever he happens to be. Doesn't say a word, until he's done anyways. It's so frustrating. I try not to get too irritated by it, because I know full well that sort of attitude just makes it worse, but good grief. Needless to say he's back in diapers for the day, cause my tolerance for all things messy, is border line at best right now.

Which means that I probably should cancel the finger painting project we are about to do, but at least that's not stinky.